Ask Margaret: How Can I Stop Repeating Myself?

How do we get our kids to do things the FIRST time they're asked, not the millionth time? Is it even possible?

A listener from our FB group asks:

"You have often given the advice from the dog-training world not to repeat yourself over and over again, because you are teaching your kids they only have to respond to the 3rd, 7th, or 100th time you ask. My question is: what do I do instead?

Say I tell my toddler, "It's time to go brush teeth," and he ignores me to keep playing because: toddler. If I immediately remove the thing the toddler is playing with and pick him up to go to the bathroom, we are in tantrum land. Then bedtime is delayed by twenty minutes while we calm down.

I don't want to turn every interaction into an exhausting battle of wills, but I also don't want to sound like a broken record. HELP."

When kids are resisting instructions, it's important to suss out the real problems and find solutions for those specific instances.

In this case of asking your toddler to brush their teeth: it's normal to sometimes have to repeat yourself with toddlers. But you also want to establish that you won't repeat yourself until they respond.

You might insert an intermediate step where you say something like "Oh, it looks like you're really enjoying your truck right now. I'm going to go get the toothpaste out and give you a few more minutes." It's a back-to-one situation!

And remember: just because you repeat yourself or get frustrated with your toddler doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. You're doing the best you can.

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