Kicking things off, Jack Dorsey—a man with too much time on his hands—has vibe-coded his beard into an insecure messaging app that the company admits you shouldn't trust... yet. Meanwhile, if you want a piece of a legendary disaster, the Fyre Festival brand sold for a mere $245k after some shady bidding that might be a "shitty agentic AI" at work.

In the world of our future robot overlords, Nvidia's CEO calmly admitted "some harm will be done," while billionaires like Travis Kalanick are busy discovering "vibe physics" with Elon Musk's Grok—an AI that literally checks what its dad thinks before answering. But the real insanity? The internet is demanding an apology from Elmo's hacked account, proving we're mad at the puppet, not the puppeteer. On the more tangible front, Tesla is making desperate moves in Canada and India as sales collapse, while we learn that hackers have been able to stop US trains for over a decade remotely, but no one has bothered to fix the issue. Oh, and laid-off Candy Crush staff? They were forced to train their AI replacements on the way out the door. The future is bright.

Over in Media Candy, we're grudgingly impressed by Andor's 14 Emmy nods and the genius faux '90s action movie trailer for Karl Urban's Johnny Cage in Mortal Kombat II. We also got trailers for Stranger Things 5 and Tron: Ares, where Jared Leto thankfully only speaks two words.

Finally, Dave takes us to the Dark Side for a nostalgia trip through the history of the Apple II and the Kaypro 2000 laptop, sparking a debate on why we all coveted a computer that, in retrospect, wasn't that great. This is contrasted with the modern reality of an IPTV pirate getting three years in prison and Metallica issuing a copyright strike against the Pentagon. To wrap it all up, a TEDx talk poses the ultimate question: Has tech delivered on its promises? We're still thinking about that one.

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