Dr. Orion Taraban, a clinical psychologist and creator of PsycHacks, dives into the shifting dynamics of modern dating. He discusses the price valuation of sex and the paradox of dating apps, where digital interaction contrasts with declining marriage rates. Exploring the complexities of attraction, he highlights how societal status and financial dynamics affect relationships. Taraban also examines the influence of testosterone on behavior and the emotional responses to infidelity, revealing intriguing insights into contemporary romance.
Dr. Orion Taraban emphasizes the evolving dynamics of modern relationships influenced by technology and online dating, impacting both dating strategies and emotional connections.
The shift to a primarily online dating landscape has created a paradox where easier access to dates leads to more challenges in forming lasting relationships.
Men's views on dating often reflect a buyer's market mentality, causing them to undervalue their dating prospects amidst an abundance of options.
Women may perceive their dating worth in a seller's market context, leading to high expectations despite facing pressure to secure a partner quickly.
Understanding evolutionary mismatches in human behavior is essential, as the overwhelming number of choices can hinder decision-making in romantic pursuits.
Social proof significantly impacts attraction, as individuals are more likely to pursue those perceived as desirable, highlighting the importance of one's social circle.
Deep dives
Introduction of Orion Terriban
Orion Terriban, known as Psych Hacks, is a licensed psychologist with a significant online following. He recently released a book titled 'The Value of Others,' which combines concepts from behavioral psychology and evolutionary psychology. During his appearance, he emphasized the importance of understanding the dynamics of relationships, especially in light of changing social landscapes influenced by technology and online dating. His insights are hailed as both practical and enlightening in navigating modern sexual marketplaces.
Impact of Online Dating on Relationships
The discussion highlights a notable shift in relationship dynamics due to the rise of online dating. A decade ago, only about 20% of couples met online; now that figure has surged to over 50%. This rapid change coincides with a decline in marriages and traditional hookup culture, creating a paradox where finding dates has become easier yet forming lasting relationships has become more challenging. The perception of supply and demand in the dating landscape has fundamentally altered how individuals approach connections.
Men's Perception in the Dating Market
Men often enter the dating scene believing they have an abundance of options available to them, especially when using apps. This mindset leads to a buyer's market mentality, where they may undervalue their worth compared to the perceived endless supply of women. As a result, men may become complacent in pursuing relationships, thinking they can always find another opportunity at a lower cost. This attitude is exacerbated by online platforms that allow men to compare themselves against unbounded choices.
Women's Perspective and Marketplace Dynamics
Conversely, women often view their attractiveness through a seller's market lens, believing their value increases as demand appears high. Despite having numerous options, women seeking committed relationships may feel pressured to secure a partner quickly. This dynamic can lead to unrealistic expectations regarding relationships and commitment over quick physical encounters. Women may consequently demand a level of commitment early in relationships that is disproportionate to what they perceive their worth to be.
Evolutionary Mismatches in Modern Dating
The abundance of choices in today's dating world can lead to evolutionary mismatches, where individuals are unable to effectively navigate mechanisms their ancestors relied on. The human brain is not well-equipped to handle the sheer volume of potential partners available, leading to indecision and anxiety. The theory posits that greater choice can result in poorer decision-making, as individuals struggle to evaluate countless options. This modern dilemma solidifies the need for strategies to manage overwhelming dating landscapes.
The Concept of Sexual Marketplace Value
Sexual marketplace value is influenced by various factors, including perceived desirability and competition. Men who are able to cultivate high-value attributes often see increased interest from women, while women seek men who display commitment and exclusivity. However, external circumstances, such as economic factors and physical attractiveness, deeply impact how sexual marketplace value plays out. For women, the ability to secure commitment is contrasted against their age and perceived desirability.
Attention Economy and Relationship Dynamics
In the current attention economy, the ability to capture and maintain interest has become central to romantic pursuits. Factors such as social media presence and public relations strategies can significantly enhance a person’s desirability. For men in particular, associating with attractive individuals can heighten their allure by creating a perception of pre-selection. This phenomenon emphasizes that social dynamics extend beyond personal attributes, requiring an understanding of relational value as viewed by the opposite sex.
The Importance of Respect in Relationships
Respect serves as a pillar for love and attraction in relationships, as women typically cannot love a man they do not respect. The distinction between basic human respect and the acknowledgment of superior qualities highlights the dynamics of attraction. Understanding and maintaining this form of respect is crucial for men in cultivating healthy relationships, as their perceived value influences their relationship success. Ultimately, a man's success in relationships is tied to his ability to inspire respect in his partner.
Managing Disappointments in Relationships
As relationships evolve, disappointment often occurs when men cannot meet the heightened expectations that arise from attraction. Women, particularly, may desire complete emotional and physical availability from their partners, leading to potential conflicts. Understanding the balance between catering to these needs and maintaining an individual identity is crucial for longevity in relationships. Men's ability to disappoint certain expectations can paradoxically sustain women's attraction, as it creates an aura of mystery and respect.
The Need for Psychological Understanding in Dating
Awareness of psychological elements in dating dynamics can enhance men's understanding of their interactions with women. Assessing situations through the lens of psychological development offers valuable insights, especially in terms of emotional responses and attachment styles. For instance, understanding women’s reaction to social cues or approaching them with strategic methods related to emotional safety can significantly improve interactions. This approach urges men to refine their sensitivity to the psychological undercurrents of their relationships.
The Role of Social Proof in Relationships
Social proof remains a powerful element in sparking attraction and establishing desirability. Individuals often feel more inclined to pursue relationships with those already perceived as desirable by others. By having attractive individuals surrounding them or showcasing interest, a person's perceived value can significantly increase. This dynamic underscores the importance of building a social circle that elevates one's status and desirability within the dating landscape.
Dr Orion Taraban, Psy.D. (IG: @psyc.hacks ) is a clinical psychologist in private practice and the creator of PsycHacks, a popular podcast devoted to relationships and personal development. He's the author of a new book, The Value of Others. He's got over 500,000 subs on YouTube. ————————————————————
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0:00 Intro 1:02 *The price valuation of sex 7:09 Reconciling dating apps 10:05 *Defining sexual marketplace value 14:16 The $50,000 beer 17:31 *The attempted mutiny 25:37 Escorts and prostitution 28:56 *The five outcomes for women 32:37 Making the other wait for sex 34:35 The three genders 36:17 How men can improve themselves 40:33 Attraction proxies 44:45 *Evolutionary mismatches and survival scenarios 48:09 *Testosterone in women 49:52 *Cheating 56:46 Being famous is like being a woman 1:03:14 *The evolution of Orion’s YouTube channel 1:11:02 The impact of fame 1:17:37 Cowardice is men’s greatest enemy 1:22:11 *Force women to advance the relationship 1:27:12 *Differences in the perception of attraction 1:30:12 *Women disrespect men unintentionally 1:32:03 *It is impossible for a woman to love a man she doesn’t respect 1:38:44 *The part women always leave out 1:44:10 Male self-improvement is not real for women 1:51:17 Disappointing women 1:54:10 *The concept of pre-selection 2:04:12 Perfect vs imperfect information 2:05:56 The pitfalls of being super attractive 2:11:26 If you punish the truth, you’re asking to be lied to 2:14:58 Becoming your own prophet 2:18:31 The reason for writing the book 2:23:45 Outro
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