This podcast discusses why we feel hurt when disagreed with or criticized, exploring the influence of media, society, and ego on our need for approval. It delves into the concept of a healthy ego and how it impacts our sense of self, drawing insights from Marcus Aurelius' teachings on rejecting harm and understanding others' intentions.
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Quick takeaways
We should recognize that others' opinions of us are subjective and not a reflection of our true worth.
Understanding the role of our ego and responding with compassion allows us to handle criticism without anger.
Deep dives
The Influence of Others' Opinions
One of the main challenges of Stoicism is learning not to let the opinions of others affect us. As social animals, humans naturally seek approval and acceptance. The media, including fashion magazines and social media platforms, capitalizes on this need for approval by influencing our preferences and encouraging us to seek admiration from others. Society and the communities we grow up in also contribute to our concern for others' opinions. For example, rigid expectations and judgments can create a sense of failure if we don't meet certain standards. Thus, it is essential to examine why we worry so much about what others think of us and recognize that these opinions are subjective and not a reflection of our true worth.
Understanding Our Ego and Sense of Self
When someone insults or criticizes us, it can feel like a threat to our ego and sense of self. Our ego is our identity, self-concept, and perception of ourselves separate from others. Our sense of self is shaped in relation to how others view us, and their opinions play a significant role in our self-image. Maintaining a healthy ego allows us to view others' opinions as mere information and make a conscious decision about how we want to respond. However, an unhealthy ego interprets criticism as a personal attack and fuels feelings of anger or victimhood. By understanding the role of our ego and recognizing that others' opinions may reflect their own values and perspectives, we can cultivate empathy and respond with compassion rather than anger.
Learning and Growth from Others' Perspectives
Engaging in difficult conversations and being open to learning from others can be challenging but essential for personal growth. Rather than becoming defensive or fighting back, it is valuable to approach critical feedback with curiosity. By seeking to understand others' motives and desired outcomes, we can develop sympathy and gain insights into their perspectives. They may have a similar value system, which warrants consideration and adjustment of our own beliefs or actions. Alternatively, their criticisms may stem from misguided interpretations or differing values. In such cases, it is more productive to respond with compassion and use their feedback as information without letting it define our self-worth. Adapting this mindset promotes personal development and a stoic approach to handling disagreements and disapproval.
“Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears.” ― Marcus AureliusWhy do we feel a sense of injury when disagrees with us? Why do we feel hurt when someone tells us we are wrong? In this week’s episode, we’re going to talk why were worry so much about what others think of us and how to learn to deal with our ego.