Relationship Capital - What Is Your R.O.R? - Dave Woodward - FHR #280

If you lost everything in your business, who would you turn to? Dave discusses the importance of relationships, providing value to people, and the 5:1 Ratio rule of thumb to go by.

Tips and Tricks for You and Your Business:

• What is relationship capital? (0:50)
• If you lost everything, who would you turn to? (8:00)
• Relationship Deposits (9:45)

Quotable Moments:

"If you go into a relationship with the idea that you are keeping score, you are always, always going to lose."

Links: FunnelHackerRadio.com FunnelHackerRadio.com/freetrial FunnelHackerRadio.com/dreamcar

---Transcript---

Speaker 1:     00:00         Welcome to funnel hacker radio podcast, where we go behind the scenes and uncover the tactics and strategies top entrepreneurs are using to make more sales, dominate their markets, and how you can get those same results. Here's your host, Dave Woodward. Welcome back everybody. I'm so excited to be sharing this topic with you. This is one of my favorite things personally. It's one of the things I've been seen so much of recently. I want to make sure you guys really understand and feel the importance of this, this major topic that so many people get wrong and I've seen recently two or three instances on both sides, those people who just crushed it and those people who totally screwed it up. So what I want to talk to you guys about right now is what is the return on your relationships or what is relationship capital? Relationship capital is really one of the most important things people screw up all the time.

Speaker 1:     00:51         Uh, as most you guys know, I'm actually, I've hired jerrick robbins as a, as a personal coach and uh, been going through a whole bunch of different things with him and in my own personal life as well as my business life. And, and one thing she was talking about is the importance of relationships. So he and I go deep onto this topic recently and everything as far as marriage and business, a kid, just all sorts of crazy stuff. And one of the things he was referencing was the Gottman Institute. So the Gottman Institute, those you guys aren't familiar with it? Uh, basically they studied 3000 different couples over the course of almost, I think it was like 20 years. And what they found was that literally within about three to four minutes of watching a couple, they could tell almost like a 94 percent, 95 percent accuracy whether that couple would get a divorce.

Speaker 1:     01:38         And it all came down to one thing. And that was the ratio of positive to negative things they talked about. In other words, the way in which they communicated with each other as a spouse, what they found was really came down to for every negative thing a person said about their spouse. If there was at least five or more positive things, they had this communication skills and respect for each other that they actually would be able to work through anything and saved their marriage when it was less than that magic number of five. Those were the types of relationships or marriages that they realized most likely we're going to end up in divorce and we started talking about this analogy and really started looking at as far as the way in which it applies to other types of relationships and what happened recently. For those of you who have followed my facebook pages, my facebook lives.

Speaker 1:     02:24         I had a crazy situation happened to where a guy basically hijacked a domain that we had trademarked and everything else and I've been going back and forth on this thing with them and trying to just offered to buy it back and was basically extorting. You know, running a ton of money. Seven figures type of value for something that we had already used and so I was struggling with exactly how to deal with this. I was trying to be nice about it. Finally just said, you know what? We're gonna have to turn this over somebody else and let them deal with it. The interesting thing was his whole reason for wanting to charge us so much as he wanted to build a relationship with us and like, what? You got to be kidding me. How in the world would charging me a ton of money for something that is already ours.

Speaker 1:     03:06         Build a relationship. I don't get that. He says, well, you don't have to have the opportunity to basically working through this and I become a two comma club, winter and and I know how much you guys talk about you. You call him a couple of winters and I'm like, dude, you don't get it. You don't get how this whole relationship thing works. And literally within about a week after that, we were with a guy a couple months earlier at an event and we had been talking about some of the software and things that he's using and basically just call and say, hey, you know what, I'd like to just give you my software for free. And we're like, what? Because yeah, I just realized if I give this software to you for free, you guys are better at marketing and as you talk about it and use it, it actually will draw more people to me and my business and you'll win and all, there'll be a wind wind and I just would like to offer you this software for free.

Speaker 1:     03:55         And I'm like, holy cow, this guy gets relationships. And then I had another situation where I was at an event and this guy basically came back and said, well, you know, Dave, you kind of owe me on this one. I'm like, I owe you. What are you talking about it? And he started going through this list of all the things that he thought that he had done for me that I didn't even realize he had even done, and unfortunately I didn't even perceive that much value to what he was giving credit to and therefore because of what he had done, he felt like he then owed it to me that the or the I owed him this favor that he was asking for. And I'm just trying to be vague here to protect the other people involved in the situations. But the whole idea behind this is if you go into a relationship with this idea that you're keeping score, you are always always going to lose.

Speaker 1:     04:46         You will always, always lose. You. Always be disappointed and frustrated because if you're going into the same as you're keeping score, there's no way you can come up on top because you'll always. You'll find yourself either you're either in the hole and you have a deficit and where you're trying to do things to make up for that deficit. Or you're going to be a situation where you feel like people owe you and you're gonna. Start looking down on them and and really just taken away from what's valuable there. So what I want to talk to you about here is relationship capital and to understand it's kind of like what is the return on your mom and what's the return on if you had. What's the Roi of your mom? I'm like, dude, there's no way in there. My mom is totally invaluable to me. I, I can't even begin to express the amount of gratitude that I feel towards my mom.

Speaker 1:     05:34         There's no one in this world who is helped me when I was one my back was up against the wall where I really had no idea where to turn to. She's been there for me for all the time and like there's, it's infinite there really I. There is nothing my mom can't ask for that. I wouldn't drop everything to be there for her. And I've thought a lot about this whole idea as far as when you go into relationships, and I see this happen a lot a years ago, especially in the whole affiliate marketing world where everything was reciprocal marketing mean you promote for me, I'll promote for you. And I'm like, Gosh, after awhile it got to the point where all we had were a whole bunch of incestuous list and there was no value in the list. And the unfortunate people got hurt the most were those people that we're supposed to care about the most.

Speaker 1:     06:20         And that's where the members and the people we were serving and protecting and spending a whole bunch of time trying to build relationships with and became this whole list grab type of thing. And what I realized when we started clickfunnels was we were not going to have reciprocal promotions. And Oh my gosh, let me tell you the amount of pain that caused in the beginning when you're out there asking them to promote for you. And they turn around and say, well, you need to promote for me. And my only response is, well I can't or I won't. It makes it really, really hard, but the fascinating thing is what I've realized over time is what it forced me to do is to get to situation where I started thinking of what are the other things of greater value than just a promotion that would be a value to them as an affiliate.

Speaker 1:     07:05         One of the things that I could do for them, what are the types of value things that I could provide and because of that we've actually built deeper relationships with a lot of the people who we do promotions with or who promote our services. For some people it's been A. I've had about my podcast for other people I. it's. It's been introductions. It's been things that were much more important than a direct, straight out email grab, email lists, email promotion or something of that sort. So understand that when you're looking at developing relationships in business, there is nothing more important. I've had this conversation with my kids so many times where all I care about other relationships, relationships to me are the number one thing in business. That's when your back is up against the wall. It's your relationships that matter when you literally have, when you've lost everything and you're sitting there and you're going, holy crap, what am I going to do?

Speaker 1:     08:01         Who can I turn to? To me, those have been the things that have, have created the most memorable, most impactful, most meaningful experiences that I could even imagine was when I literally was losing everything and I was able to reach out to people who I'd spent a lot of time, a lot of energy with, some little word situation they couldn't help but others, the way they helped wasn't through finance, finances for one. I remember there was a gentleman I, I ended up spending a lot of time on walks as I pour my heart out to him and saying I just, I don't know what I'm going to do. And that value of that relationship for me was so much more important than the actual money that I needed at the time. And as I take a look at, at my relationship with, with the people who I work with is as far as clickfunnels.

Speaker 1:     08:52         I've known Russell now for almost 12 years, uh, at least, you know, 10, 11 years now and the amount of things that we did before, as, as friends and in building relationships and all sorts of crazy stuff before we ever entered into a business relationship with click funnels is in fact, I've had this conversation with so many times where my relationship with Russell is so much more important to me than my partnership with click funnels or anything else that, that friendship is more valuable than economic gain or anything else. And I look at a lot of the types of things that people, when they go into business. So often it's this cutthroat and understand I'm extremely competitive but not in a relationship standpoint. Uh, and I think the part that people have to understand is you have to focus in on relationship deposits. How it's like a bank account.

Speaker 1:     09:49         It's, that's why I look at as far as relationship capital, you're not in a situation to where you can ever go negative. You don't have an overdraft protection in relationship capital situations. And so realize that's why, again, I take a look at the whole gottman institute thing. Every five, you've got to have five positive for one negative. I look at the same situation. If you're going to have a withdrawal in a relationship, you better make sure you're putting in at least five times as much value. And what you'll find is it actually levels up your game and it levels up the people who you find yourself associating with. It changes everything. And I really encourage you guys, as you start taking a look at business, no matter where you are in your business, I've seen, I've been around people who've literally billion dollar net worth hundreds of millions of dollars. And I've seen those in the hundreds, tens and hundreds of millions who have lost it all as, as well.

Speaker 1:     10:40         And it's fascinating to me to see the only thing that ever really matters are the relationships. And so as you take a look at building your business and you start taking a look at the way in which you're going to actually make things happen, you've got to make sure that you're putting in enough deposits. Uh, it's funny, I had this conversation with Russell the other day, there was a person we were looking at potentially doing some things with and uh, we were just talking about. I said, well, what about so and so? I says, you know, it's too early. What do you mean? What do you mean it's too early goes, I haven't provided enough value to that person yet to even consider asking that kind of thing of them. And they ask wasn't that big. But it was one of those things where I know how important relationships are to Russell.

Speaker 1:     11:24         It's literally the most important thing in the world. I've been fortunate to be blessed with my friendship with him over these years and I looked at my relationship with todd and with Ryan and Brent and John and the other partners inside of click funnels and all the things we've been through over the years. It's when it makes decisions so much easier just because we've been through so much crap together. And I think that as you take a look at your own business partners, and I've had, I've had business partners that have been great. I've had business partners that have been okay and I've had some that haven't been that good, but I can tell you the most important thing for me is always making sure that when you're looking at your own life and you're looking at your relationships and you're looking at the return on those relationships that you're always going in as the gottman institute recommended, they're at least going and a five to one ratio.

Speaker 1:     12:09         Make sure that you're overdelivering. You can never, ever put someone into your debt by doing that. It's just been the most amazing thing. I've, I've been so blessed. We had a situation happened just recently where we were looking at buying a company and uh, another software piece. And the guy basically said, hey, you know what, just try it. Use the software for free before we even do it and just see if it works for you and we can work everything else out later. And literally it was funny because we started getting attorneys involved as far as the transaction and it just got so muddy that the has said, listen Dave, we've been around a long time. Don't worry about the attorneys, don't worry about anything else. Listen, here's the dollar amount. We originally agreed on Wyoming. The funds, I don't need a contract. There's nothing there, and I felt the same way with him and so we literally just sent them the funds again.

Speaker 1:     12:59         He'd actually given it to us at first for free to use it. After it worked. We said, you know what, what's. He said, what's it worth to you? We gave him a dollar and I said, yeah, okay. In fact, I after gave him a higher dollar amount and he cut me back by 25 percent and I only sent him that amount. So realize that it's those types of people I always want to do business with. And so when you're out there building your business, and especially when you. It's one of those things I think when people first get started back, oh my gosh, I'm just, I don't have anything of credibility. I don't have anything to offer. You always have things to offer. It's not always dollars. It's not always that kind of. It doesn't have to be an economic exchange. Relationships are so much deeper and I think that's the main thing.

Speaker 1:     13:37         I want to make sure people understand that as you focus on building those relationships and making them as deep as possible, dig your well way before you ever thirsty and the way you did that well is by providing value to people and you can provide value in so many different ways. There was I, I went and volunteered at a ton of different seminar supporting people and everything else before I ever ever asked to be involved with them just because I provided value in that area. And that's what came back to me. There's been times where from a consultant standpoint, I'll consult someone for. I literally got a phone call earlier today with a guy who's. I remember when he first started his company three years ago, we met at TNC and uh, we were one of his first clients and he was literally said, you know what?

Speaker 1:     14:21         We're in a situation where were, where we want to do an integration, deeper integration with you guys. And we'd love to have you promote. And I know you don't like promoting. I said, you know what, we're not going to promote it, but what else can I do to help? And so, uh, he's got a software thing and I told him how we built click through webinars and, and offering the software actually for free and providing and selling the train actually was a win win for us. And he goes, oh my gosh, that's amazing. And said, you know, Dave, I always feel indebted to you. Every time I get off the call. And I never looked at as far as a debt, I just believed that, that all of a sudden you never know who that person's going to know and who they're going to introduce you to.

Speaker 1:     14:56         I've had that happen so many times where that's why I don't keep score, don't keep score and relationships, relationship capital. There's exchange of capital, relationship capital, so frequent. And you have to understand when you're networking, when you're building those relationships, you've got to always be that go-giver. You've got to be the person who's out there who's willing to help other people who's not always going in it for yourself. I know for a lot of you guys were listening to Dave, that is so boring and basic. I understand it might be, but it's not practiced by as many people as I wish it was, so having an amazing day. Again, thanks so much for listening. Send me a personal message or email or comment or let. Let me know if these are a value to you, what you're getting out of this, how it can provide greater value to you.

Speaker 1:     15:38         I value the fact that you're taking time to listen. Please go into itunes and rate, review it. Let me know if these things are of value to you because if they're not, I want to change it. I want to make sure that you're getting valued. You've now spent whatever. How much time is the den? Ten or 15 minutes of your time at two times speed. It was still seven minutes and I appreciate that. So I am grateful for anybody who listens to this podcast and I appreciate any feedback that you give me. Have an amazing day and we'll talk soon.

Speaker 2:     16:06         Hey everybody, thank you so much for taking the time to listen to podcasts. If you don't mind, could you please share this with others, rate and review this podcast on itunes. It means the world to me where I'm trying to get to as a million downloads here in the next few months and just crush through over $650,000 and I just want to get that next few 100,000 so we can get to a million downloads and see really what I can do to help improve and and get this out to more people. At the same time. If there's a topic, there's something you'd like me to share or someone you'd like me to interview, by all means, just reach out to me on facebook. You can pm me and I'll be more than happy to take any of your feedback as well as if you'd like me to interview more than happy to reach out and have that conversation with you. So again, go to Itunes, rate and review this, share this podcast with others and let me know how else I can improve this or what I can do to make this better for you guys. Thanks.