Warren Farrell, an influential author and political scientist known as the 'father of the men’s movement,' shares insights from his new online course, Role Mate to Soul Mate. He discusses strategies to avoid defensiveness in arguments and how to steer your partner gently in a desired direction. The conversation highlights the importance of transforming criticism into connection and the role of appreciation in deepening intimacy. Farrell emphasizes the need for effective communication post-conflict to nurture understanding and emotional safety in relationships.
Warren Farrell's online course, 'Role Mate to Soul Mate,' provides couples with strategies to enhance communication and intimacy without defensiveness.
The course emphasizes appreciating each partner's strengths to foster a positive atmosphere, making it easier to address conflicts constructively.
Deep dives
Introduction to Role Mate to Soul Mate
Warren Farrell introduces his online course, 'Role Mate to Soul Mate,' which is designed to help couples improve their communication and intimacy. The course consists of seven modules that can be completed in a weekend or over the course of a week. It aims to provide tangible strategies and insights rather than generic advice, focusing on how couples can address criticism constructively and reduce defensiveness. By utilizing real-life examples and exercises, the course encourages partners to connect more deeply and understand each other's needs better.
Addressing Defensiveness in Communication
Farrell emphasizes that a major obstacle in relationships is how partners handle criticism, often leading to defensiveness and miscommunication. He explains that many couples feel they cannot express concerns without starting an argument, which leads to emotional isolation. To combat this, he advocates for creating a safe environment where partners can discuss their feelings without fear of escalation. By shifting their mindset and approaching criticism as an opportunity for deeper understanding, couples can build a stronger emotional connection.
The Importance of Appreciation
In the course, Farrell underscores the significance of appreciation and gratitude in maintaining a healthy relationship. Couples are encouraged to practice 'panning for gold,' which involves identifying and expressing appreciation for their partner's actions in specific ways. By focusing on what their partner does well, couples can foster a more positive atmosphere, making it easier to address any issues that arise. This technique not only bolsters mutual respect but also prepares partners to tackle more challenging conversations without defensiveness.
Handling Growth and Change in Relationships
Farrell addresses the concern many couples have about growing apart as they develop at different rates or in different areas of their lives. He encourages creating a safe space to discuss these feelings openly, allowing partners to express their worries without fear of judgment. By actively listening and validating each other's experiences, couples can find common ground and work together towards shared goals. This approach not only helps in understanding differences but also strengthens the relationship as both partners feel valued and understood.
In this episode, we welcome Warren Farrell back to the show. He is an author, political scientist, and activist who has written many books to include The Myth of Male Power, Why Men Earn More, and The Boy Crisis: Why Our Boys Are Struggling and What We Can Do About It. He has also been described as the “father of the men’s movement.” In this interview, we discuss his new online couples communication course called Role Mate to Soul Mate, how to avoid becoming defensive during an argument, what to do if you feel like you and your spouse are growing in opposite directions, how to nudge your spouse in a particular direction without drama, how to deal with communication after a fight, and much more. Let’s get into it…