Focus Forward: An Executive Function Podcast
Ep 27: Two Steps Forward, One Step Back: 6 Tips for Becoming More Resilient in Life
Resilience is a topic I've wanted to explore for a long time on the podcast. After all, how can we continue to work on ourselves if our progress is always getting cut short? So in this week's episode, we're going to explore 6 tips for becoming more resilient in your life.
When I started doing the research for today’s episode on how to handle sliding back when you’ve made some progress, something about my search terms brought up a bunch of articles on how to handle sliding while driving on icy roads. I was going to pass these over but then I got a little distracted and a little curious about what the pros have to say about this. Living in New England, knowing how to handle driving on icy roads is a requirement so I thought I should brush up on my knowledge. And, as I read through the article, I realized that all of the tips they suggested applied quite well to sliding back when making progress! So, today’s episode is a two-fer! It will teach you about managing both sliding while driving on icy roads and sliding back after making good progress. Once again, Focus Forward to the rescue!
Here are some resources related to the episode.
How to handle backslides: https://www.scottsfortcollinsauto.com/what-do-you-do-if-your-car-is-sliding-on-ice/
Resilience Resources:
https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6403185/
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_hardwire_resilience_into_your_brain
James Clear: https://jamesclear.com/get-back-on-track
Emotional regulation: https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/key-concepts/executive-function/
Breaking streaks:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/ulterior-motives/202306/how-broken-streaks-sap-motivation
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Transcript:
Before I get started today, I wanted to ask for a favor! If you are listening on Apple Podcasts, could you scroll down to the bottom of the Focus Forward section of the app and give us a rating? Hopefully 5 stars?? Also, if you have any episode topic ideas, please email me at podcast at beyond bookmart.com! I’d love to hear from you. Okay, let’s get going.
When I started doing the research for today’s episode on how to handle sliding back when you’ve made some progress, something about my search terms brought up a bunch of articles on how to handle sliding while driving on icy roads. I was going to pass these over but then I got a little distracted and a little curious about what the pros have to say about this. Living in the NE, knowing how to handle driving on icy roads is a requirement so I thought I should brush up on my knowledge. And, as I read through the article, I realized that all of the tips they suggested applied quite well to sliding back when making progress! So, today’s episode is a two-fer! It will teach you about managing both sliding while driving on icy roads and sliding back after making good progress. Once again, Focus Forward to the rescue!
The article I’ll refer to throughout the episode is aptly called “What Do You Do If Your Car is Sliding on Ice?” and it was written by someone at Scott’s Automotive and Service Centers, Inc with locations throughout Colorado and Arizona. You can find a link to it in the show notes if you want more information or want to read their other well-written and informative articles.
Before I dive into the article, I wanted to share some science-y stuff about executive function and resilience, because resilience is basically what I’m exploring today - managing the challenge of sliding back after having made some progress. We need to be resilient to get back on the horse, if you will. Research has shown that there is a direct connection between resilience and executive function skills. It appears that when your executive functioning is strong, your sense of self-efficacy is strengthened, as well. Self-efficacy, as we have talked about before in a couple of other episodes, is the belief that you have the ability to motivate yourself, accomplish tasks, and make decisions.
Studies have also shown that adolescents have a better time adjusting to school when they have stronger executive functioning and are more resilient. As a coach, I see this all the time in my college clients. After I’ve worked with them for a while and they’ve created some systems that work really well to support their EF skills, I see them being more resilient. They head into difficult times during the school year with more confidence and they come through it having had a better experience. If you’d like to do some reading on resilience and executive function, check out the show notes because I stuck some articles in there that you might find interesting. So, here’s another reason to work on building your executive function skills, especially as teenagers and young adults.
Okay, so back to icy driving conditions. Scott’s Automotive shared six tips for icy driving success in the article. I’ll review them all and tie them to some executive functioning strategies that can help us when we feel like we’re taking two steps forward and one step back, which by the way, is very normal, just like ice.
Tip #1
No Brakes!
The article reads, “Your first impulse when you feel yourself slipping out of control–literally–is to apply your brakes and stop the vehicle.” You’re not supposed to do that, even though you really want to, as it will make your slide worse. This can apply when we feel like we’re sliding back or not making progress on our goals. It can be tempting to give up, to put on the brakes and say, “well, apparently I’m just bad at doing this new habit” and decide that we’re not qualified to even try to make this positive change. To me, this black and white kind of thinking is a great way to interrupt any progress you were making and make your slide even worse. Practicing dialectical thinking in this situation is a good thing to try. Dialectical thinking allows us to hold two opposing thoughts in our heads at one time and recognize and accept that both can be true. “I overslept again! I should just give up on being a morning person” becomes, “It feels like I’m not making any progress on getting up earlier because I overslept again and I’m willing to keep trying”. This can help us be less rigid in our thinking and allow us to continue to look for alternative tools and strategies to help us reach our goals. Remember that cognitive flexibility from episode 21? Dialectical thinking is a great way to use those cognitive flexibility skills you have been working on developing.
Okay, on to Tip #2
Turn into the slide
This part of managing icy driving has always boggled my mind, but they’re right! The article agrees and says, “This goes against your instincts, but to help when you are sliding, you actually want to turn in the direction of the slide.” When I saw this, it really resonated with me and it kind of goes along with the previous tip. When we’re sliding back, changing our viewpoint from seeing it as a failure to seeing it as an opportunity to learn, can make a huge difference. Really lean into it, turn into that perceived “failure”. Embrace it as an opportunity to learn, an opportunity to find something that works better than what we’ve already been trying. Or, maybe it will just help us find the patience to accept ourselves, even when we’re not making the progress we wish we were, with grace and love and compassion. The last lines of this section of the article are just so perfect for this: “Gently maneuver the wheel. Correcting your slide in one direction, will result in the car returning back in the opposite direction before it, ultimately, stabilizes. Expect this rocking back and forth motion and respond with care.” Let’s do the same with ourselves and respond with care.
Okay, next up, Tip #3
Avoid oversteering
Again, the article comes through with a tip that so perfectly applies to learning how to manage it when we slide back when making progress. It reads, “If you oversteer, you can put the car in a full spin.” I see oversteering as completely overhauling our systems when we feel like we’re failing, sliding back, or not making the progress we want to see. There’s actually no need to oversteer. Take some time to reflect on the progress you HAVE made and see what tools or strategies DO work for you. See how you can modify those, if needed. Make small, incremental changes instead of major ones. Work at slowly changing your thinking about your progress. I bet you there are wins in there that you’re just not seeing. There’s no need to throw away that planner if you miss a meeting or give up running just because you missed a couple runs in your 5k training plan. Look at your planner - what did work? How many meetings did you not miss? What strategies can you use to make your planner work better for you? Look at your 5k training plan - what days and times seem to be the easiest for you to go running? What can you do to prevent injury? Are you drinking enough water? When we feel like we’re sliding, pausing and taking some time to think, reflect, troubleshoot, and find small wins you might be overlooking is much more effective than overhauling your whole system or oversteering your car.
Okay, now for Tip #4
Stay calm
Oh, Scott’s Automotive and Service Centers, you know the key to my heart and to our thinking brains. Emotional regulation! The article states, “Staying calm is key. Panic will cause you to oversteer and can result in a more serious slide, spin or accident.” If you have listened to this podcast for a while, you’ll have heard me say a million times that we can only fully access our executive function skills when we are calm. When we allow our emotions to take over, it’s really, really difficult to think about what to do when we are challenged by something, when we find ourselves sliding back. Staying calm is the key to the resiliency we need to recover from these perceived setbacks.
If you haven’t yet discovered what strategies help regulate yourself when you’re feeling overwhelmed, discouraged, frustrated, scared, or anxious, listen up! Sometimes it’s as simple as taking some calming breaths. At BBS we coaches really love 5-finger breathing, where you trace your fingers up and down while breathing in and out. Another breathing strategy that lots of people find helpful is square breathing - you breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, breathe out for four and then hold again for four and then repeat this cycle as long as you can. But you don’t even have to get fancy like this - just taking some slow, controlled breaths can really make a difference. I’ve heard lots of people say that breathing is just not for them. I’d like to push back a little on that and say that breathing is actually for everyone - it’s literally keeping you alive right now! Just give one of these breathing exercises a shot! You might be surprised at how helpful it can be.
Practicing healthy, supportive self-talk is another tip for staying calm. When I’m out running and I’m struggling, I always tell myself “Hannah, you can do this”. If you listened to episode 1 about managing failure, you may remember me talking about this strategy. Speaking kindly to ourselves with supportive words during times of stress can really help regulate our emotions. So, whether you’re sliding on ice or just sliding back from making progress, try motivating yourself with a little supportive self-talk.
Mindfulness is another great strategy for managing our emotions. Learning how to pay attention to our bodies and how they’re feeling, bringing our focus back to what we’re doing, and noticing small things around us can all help with emotional regulation - and tricky winter driving! There are a ton of different approaches to mindfulness, including stopping to pay attention to something we normally just do without thinking or sitting for a 10-minute meditation session. However you approach mindfulness is up to you - research shows that it really and truly does positively impact our emotional regulation.
In order for these strategies to be really effective when we need them, we have to practice them. If you listened to episode 26 with Dr. Alison Roy, you might remember me saying that I started practicing square breathing while I’m driving. Hopefully it’ll come in handy this winter when I’m navigating some icy roads.
Next up, Tip #5
Prevent sliding by reducing your speed
If road conditions are poor, we should all be driving more slowly to begin with. The article explains ”If the roads are icy, or covered in snow, it is important to slow your vehicle. The Federal Motor Carrier Safety Administration advises that you reduce your speed by 1/3 on wet roads and by 1/2 (or more) on snow-packed roads.” This is such great advice for changing habits, too. The process of building or breaking habits is not easy or fast. There are no quick fixes. There’s no magic wand. Barreling into trying to make change with the expectation that you’ll somehow, miraculously become perfect instantly is unreasonable and is sure to set you up for disappointment. We are human, We are not perfect. Slow down, take small steps, give yourself some grace and some time. Look in the rearview mirror and see what’s worked for you and what hasn’t. Strive for excellence, not perfection.
And last, and certainly not least, Tip #6
Call for an Auto Check-up
Scott’s Automotive says “Another way to stay safe during inclement weather conditions is to ensure that your car is prepared for the weather.” This is true for our minds and bodies, as well. When we are healthy and taken care of, it is easier to manage sliding back. Prioritizing self-care is critical. Just as you make sure your cars’ tires have enough tread and your brakes are not worn out, we need to make sure that we are eating well, sleeping well, and moving our bodies. Going to the doctor regularly and making sure you’re doing what you can to stay healthy is critical for success, especially when you’re challenged by tricky stuff. It is much easier to access the executive function skills we need to be resilient when our bodies are happy.
Part of this last tip involves asking for help. I don’t know about you, but there’s not much I understand about fixing cars, so I need to ask the mechanic for help. In fact, as I write this, our car is in the shop for new brakes. If you need help with your executive function skills, ask for it! It can be scary to say I need help, but giving ourselves permission to do that can lead to growth far beyond anything we ever thought possible. Asking for help does not mean you are weak, or ignorant, or anything like that. It actually means you are smart and confident. I have had so many clients say to me, “I was so afraid to admit I needed help” or “I was afraid to share my struggles” but as soon as they did, they felt a great weight off their shoulders and were able to start moving towards finding solutions to their challenges. And, let me tell you, as much as I’m preaching this right now, I, too, find it very difficult to ask for help. But, I take a deep breath and do it, because I’m worth it.
Well, there you go! If you live in the north, you’ve had a refresh on how to handle sliding on ice and if you live in the south, you’ve had a chance to be glad you don’t live where it snows. And hopefully you’ve all learned some tips for handling sliding back while working towards your goals. Before I go, I wanted to share some advice that some of my fellow coaches shared on this topic. Denise McMahon shared that she uses backslides as an opportunity to have her clients consider questions like:
Am I facing any new or unforeseen barriers?
Have I really slid backward or am I expecting myself to be perfect?
Do I need to tweak my tools and strategies to gain some momentum again?
Am I shaming myself or creating negative stories that are preventing me from taking the next step?
What's one small thing I can say yes to?
Can I introduce novelty to respark my interest?
And, Tina Conte shared a great quote from author, Robert Brault:...taking a step backward
after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it's a cha-cha.”
And that’s our show for today. Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to listen. Be sure to check out the show notes for further reading. Please share our podcast with your friends, family, and colleagues. We appreciate it so much! You can reach out to me at podcast@beyondbooksmart.com. I would love to hear from you. Please subscribe to Focus Forward on Apple and Google podcasts, Spotify or wherever else you get your podcasts. If you listen on Apple podcasts or spotify, give us a boost by giving us 5-star rating! Sign up for our newsletter at www.beyondbooksmart.com slash podcast. We'll let you know when new episodes drop and share information related to the topic. Thanks for listening!
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