Ep 28: The History of Marriage with Stephanie Coontz

You can pre order Stephanie's forthcoming book here: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/673497/for-better-and-worse-by-stephanie-coontz/

Check out her website: https://www.stephaniecoontz.com/

Find me on Instagram and TikTok @beahappierparent

YouTube @alexindadland

Keywords

marriage, gender roles, parenting, emotional labor, societal changes, breadwinner ideal, relationships, community, historical perspective, modern marriage

Summary

In this conversation, Stephanie Coontz explores the evolution of marriage, gender roles, and parenting dynamics throughout history. She discusses how societal changes have influenced the expectations and realities of modern relationships, particularly the shift from traditional breadwinner ideals to more egalitarian partnerships. Coontz emphasizes the importance of emotional labor in relationships and the need for social connections outside of marriage to enhance satisfaction and well-being. The discussion also touches on the historical context of relationships and how understanding this can help couples navigate contemporary challenges.

Takeaways

Women contributed about half the calories in foraging societies.
Marriage was originally about connecting different bands, not just romantic partnerships.
Inequalities in society led to marriage being used to limit sharing.
The breadwinner ideal emerged in the 1820s with democratic capitalism.
Women became more dependent on their husbands as job opportunities decreased.
Emotional labor is often expected to be performed by women in relationships.
Couples who share responsibilities report higher satisfaction.
Social connections outside of marriage enhance relationship satisfaction.
Understanding historical perspectives can help modern couples navigate challenges.
Men can also experience emotional labor and anxiety in parenting.

Titles

The Evolution of Marriage: A Historical Perspective
Gender Roles and the Changing Landscape of Relationships

Sound bites

"Women did not need a husband to get food."
"We have raised our expectations of marriage."
"Men can be nurturers too."

Chapters

00:00 The Evolution of Marriage and Family Structures
04:26 Marriage: A Tool for Social Connection
07:20 The Control of Women's Choices in Marriage
09:34 Parenting and Sharing in Early Societies
12:22 The Shift to Monogamy and Its Implications
14:57 Modern Marriage: Expectations and Realities
18:38 The Historical Context of the Breadwinner Model
23:26 The Impact of Economic Changes on Marriage Dynamics
25:58 The Evolution of Women's Roles in Marriage
30:39 The Impact of Parenthood on Relationships
35:54 Understanding Gendered Expectations and Emotional Labor
42:20 The Role of Social Media in Modern Relationships
45:00 Learning from Same-Sex Relationships
48:19 The Broader Community and Marriage Dynamics