Next Up: Narcissism Episode 3: Boundaries and Narcissistic Parents with Terri Cole
“Expect that you're going to get pushback from them, because you will,” says Terri Cole, about what can happen when establishing boundaries with others. Terri is a licensed psychotherapist and author of “Boundary Boss.” Together with host Dr. Z, they delve into the critical aspects of setting boundaries and managing interactions with a narcissistic parent.
Terri defines boundaries as personal rules of engagement that communicate to others what behaviors you are willing, and not willing, to tolerate. Alongside Dr. Z, they explore the common challenges of setting boundaries, including the difficulty of maintaining them in the face of pushback. Terri also introduces a unique framework for categorizing what she refers to as "boundary offenders." They are: Boundary First-Timer, Repeat Offender, and Boundary Destroyer.
Terri and Dr. Z also discuss the challenges of setting boundaries with narcissistic parents and the unique approaches required to effectively manage these extremely complex relationships. Red flags and common behavior patterns of narcissistic parenting are explored, including the use of emotional blackmail and competitiveness with their children.
Tune in to this episode of “Next Up: Narcissism” to gain valuable insights into how to identify narcissistic parenting dynamics, strategies to establish and maintain effective boundaries, and how to protect your own mental health while fostering authentic and healthy relationships.
Quotes
- “Your boundaries are comprised of your preferences, your desires, your limits, and your deal-breakers—your non-negotiables. So really think about what that is, preferences, desires, limits, and deal-breakers. It's not enough to know them, which a lot of people don't even know. You have to know them and then have the ability to clearly and concisely communicate them when you so choose.” (02:54 | Terri Cole)
- “This is what makes having healthy boundaries so complicated for people because even if you do spend enough time on yourself to know what your preferences are, knowing how to set a limit with someone else can be very challenging, because we're all raised and praised to be self-abandoning codependents.” (03:22 | Terri Cole)
- “The reason why boundaries are broken up into the categories that they are, according to me, is because they don't all carry the same weight.” (09:00 | Terri Cole)
Links
Connect with Terri Cole:
https://www.instagram.com/terricole/
Connect with Dr. Jaime Zuckerman:
https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/
https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/
https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/
https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist