Blending a family takes grace—and so does blending your finances.

When couples merge families, they’re also merging priorities, habits, and sometimes, financial baggage. Ron Deal joins us today to show us that with honesty and a shared vision, what begins as a challenge can become a source of strength for blended families navigating both money and marriage.

Ron Deal is a bestselling author, licensed marriage & family therapist, podcaster, and popular conference speaker who specializes in marriage enrichment and stepfamily education and is the co-author of The Smart Stepfamily Guide to Financial Planning: Money Management Before and After You Blend a Family.

Why Honest Money Conversations Matter

There once was a man who, when his girlfriend thought he was about to propose, surprised her by asking for her credit report instead. It’s a funny story—but one that reveals a serious truth. Beneath money conversations are usually heart conversations.

For couples forming blended families, this truth runs even deeper. Life has already taught them that marriage isn’t guaranteed, whether because of death or a divorce. That experience creates an understandable sense of caution: How deeply do I invest again? Can I trust this new relationship?

Money becomes the testing ground for those questions. That’s why avoiding financial conversations doesn’t protect your relationship—it weakens it. Only about one in four dating or engaged couples forming a blended family ever have a serious talk about finances before they marry. The rest often underestimate what needs to be uncovered.

Finances are never just about dollars and cents. They’re about values, power, and security. Beneath a discussion about budgets might be an unspoken fear: Will your children be treated equally with mine? Beneath a talk about wills might be a hidden worry: Will you care for my kids if I’m gone?

There was once a woman who had been remarried for 25 years—two and a half decades of life together—and she still wondered whether her husband would provide equally for her children after she passed away. The question had never been resolved. It lingered from the past, quietly shaping their relationship.

When those unspoken fears remain unaddressed, they create invisible walls. Healthy couples have the courage to name them and work through them together.

The Challenge of Inheritance and Trust

Consider the story of Sandra and Dave, a couple who married later in life. Sandra, a divorced mother of two adult children, was asked by her new husband, Dave, to change her will and make him her sole beneficiary. To Dave, who had no children of his own, the request seemed simple and loving: We’re one now—just leave everything to me, and I’ll take care of your family.

But Sandra hesitated. Her adult children hadn’t had time to form a close bond with Dave. For her, the request stirred deep questions: How do I know that what she's set aside for her children will be honored after she's gone?

This is where trust, loyalty, and belonging intersect. Financial peace in a blended family isn’t achieved through documents—it’s achieved through relational clarity. You can’t solve financial questions until you’ve addressed the relational ones.

Moving from Prenuptial to Togetherness

So what’s the alternative? In the book, The Smart Stepfamily Guide to Financial Planning: Money Management Before and After You Blend a Family, Ron Deal, Greg Pettis, and David Edwards, introduce what they call a “Togetherness Agreement.”

Think of it as a redeemed version of a prenuptial agreement. A traditional prenup is something you do to your spouse—it outlines what they won’t receive if the marriage fails. But a Togetherness Agreement is something you do for your spouse. It outlines how you will lovingly and intentionally provide for one another and your families.

In a Togetherness Agreement, couples prayerfully decide together:

How do they care for children from prior relationships
How inherited or premarital assets will be handled
How responsibilities to other households or parents will be honored
And how they’ll support one another financially in love and unity

It’s not about dividing assets—it’s about uniting hearts. This process builds emotional safety, which in turn builds trust. When couples feel safe, they can finally exhale, knowing they are truly invested in each other.

Taking Inventory—Emotionally and Financially

Before crafting any agreement, couples need to take inventory. That means both emotional and financial reflection.

Ask questions like:

What financial baggage or debts are we bringing in?
What past wounds or fears still shape the way we view money?
What are our goals—for our family, our faith, and our future?

Blended families are always born out of loss—whether death, divorce, or something else. That history doesn’t have to define the new relationship, but it does need to be acknowledged. Honest reflection helps couples avoid repeating old patterns and build a healthier foundation together.

Every couple’s situation is different, but here are key topics that should be covered in a Togetherness Agreement:

Joint and separate accounts
Debt and financial obligations from prior marriages
Child or spousal support payments to other households
Retirement, insurance, and investments
College, cars, and other child-related expenses

Covering these topics doesn’t weaken love—it strengthens it. It replaces assumptions with clarity and fear with peace.

If all of this feels overwhelming, take heart. You don’t have to figure it out alone. Seek wise counsel—a trusted financial planner, pastor, or Certified Kingdom Advisor (CKA) can help you find creative and God-honoring ways to care for your family.

And above all, remember this: God’s grace is sufficient for your blended family. Submit your plans to Him. Let Him guide the process. As you do, He will grow you—not only in financial wisdom, but in love, unity, and faith.

When couples move from mine and yours to ours, they begin to reflect the very heart of God, who makes two one, and who calls us to love generously, even in the way we handle money.

On Today’s Program, Rob Answers Listener Questions:

I’ve been struggling with $26,000 in credit card debt that I recently disclosed to my husband. A credit consolidation company says they can negotiate it down, so I’d pay $400 every two weeks and be debt-free in four years. It sounds good, but is this a trustworthy option—or are there drawbacks I should watch out for?
I have UTMA accounts for my two sons, but I am considering switching to 529 plans. I’m mainly concerned that with the UTMA, they’ll gain full control of the money once they come of age. Would a 529 plan be a wiser choice?

Resources Mentioned:

Remember, you can call in to ask your questions every workday at (800) 525-7000. Faith & Finance is also available on Moody Radio Network and American Family Radio. You can also visit FaithFi.com to connect with our online community and partner with us as we help more people live as faithful stewards of God’s resources.

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Day 186. How can you do God’s will? (2025)