The internet's still broken, folks, and apparently, AI's here to make it more awkward. Intel caught a break from Uncle Sam's CHIPS Act, cool for them, not so much for those 'flashing warning signs' in the job market. Meta's been letting celebrity chatbots run wild (and creepy), Midjourney's getting sued by Warner Bros. for stealing IP (who'da thought?), and OpenAI thinks an AI hiring platform is a good idea. Plus, an AI chatbot automated a cybercrime spree, totally unexpected. If you're calling ChatGPT a 'clanker,' you're not wrong, but seriously? Your butt probably needs a break from the toilet.
Elon Musk and his joyride of companies continue to make us wonder if we're living in a dystopian satire. Tesla got slapped with a $243 million verdict after rejecting a $60 million settlement (because that's how you make deals, right?). 'Key data' they said they didn't have? A hacker found it. His vague 'master plan' sounds like a last-minute college essay, and software deploys airbags before you crash. His quest for a trillion-dollar pay package is on, and Neuralink can't even trademark 'telepathy.' They're doing brain surgeries in Toronto now. What could go wrong?
On the lighter side, Finland built a giant sand battery, which is cool, and iOS 26 finally gave iPads a native Instagram app after, like, forever. We've got movie reviews, TV binges (Wednesday is really good), and a deep dive into KPop Demon Hunters (seriously, listen to the songs). FIFA's jacking up World Cup ticket prices with dynamic pricing (of course they are), and Morrissey's selling his stake in The Smiths (probably to escape his own 'malicious associations'). If you're still reading Usenet threads from '94, you're either a sadist or Dave.
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FOLLOW UP
The US government drops its CHIPS Act requirements for Intel
America’s job market flashes yet another warning sign about the economy
Hydrogen-Powered Plasma Torch Decimates Plastic Waste in a Blink
Your Butthole Is Begging You to Stop Scrolling on the Toilet
IN THE NEWS
Tesla rejected $60 million settlement before losing $243 million Autopilot verdict
Tesla said it didn’t have key data in a fatal crash. Then a hacker found it.
Tesla has a new master plan—it just doesn’t have any specifics
Tesla Software Update Will Deploy Airbags Before Crash Actually Happens
Trump to host tech CEOs for first event in newly renovated Rose Garden
Tesla proposes Elon Musk pay package that could make him the world’s first trillionaire
Tesla shareholders to vote on investing in Musk’s AI startup xAI
Meta reportedly allowed unauthorized celebrity AI chatbots on its services
Warner Bros. Discovery is suing Midjourney for copyright infringement
OpenAI announces AI-powered hiring platform to take on LinkedIn
OpenAI is reportedly producing its own AI chips starting next year
A hacker used AI to automate an 'unprecedented' cybercrime spree, Anthropic says
The world's largest sand battery just went live in Finland
Why the Internet Can’t Stop Calling ChatGPT a “Clanker”
MEDIA CANDY
Star Trek: Strange New Worlds - Four and a Half Vulcans
KPop Demon Hunters - revisited
2026 World Cup tickets: FIFA confirms use of dynamic pricing
Exhausted by "malicious associations," Morrissey sells stake in The Smiths
APPS & DOODADS
Marshall’s Mid-Century-Looking Soundbar Would Make Don Draper Cry Tears of Joy
Instagram finally has an iPad app 15 years after it first launched
Roblox will require age verification for all users to access communication features
iOS 26 adds seven brand new iPhone ringtones, listen here
THE DARK SIDE WITH DAVE
Hot sauce and hot takes: An Only Malware in the Building special.
My comments on a Usenet thread from 1994
Darth Vader’s Lightsaber Auction Sale Sets Record for ‘Star Wars’ Item
Disney Disney Star Wars Animated Darth Vader
Florida plans to end all state vaccine mandates, including for schools
VibeVoice: A Frontier Long Conversational Text-to-Speech Model
Rumor: There’s A New ‘The Muppet Show’ Pilot
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