Recently, my husband, Marc, and I have started testing out a new ritual. We’re habit people and find that when we can put key aspects of our connection on auto-pilot—that is, we get them to happen without having to think too much about making them happen—we seem to find each other more in the slightly chaotic, sometimes harried, often muddled, basket weave that is the life we’ve assembled together.

For over a decade we’ve carved the habit of a weekly date night into our family blueprint, amassing a dugout of equally delightful and reliable babysitters and teaching our kids that mom and dad time is the norm, no different than morning breakfast or nightly tuck-ins. It’s just what we do. This is simply how the Manieri family rolls.

Call us overly self-indulgent, but we find that after 13 years of marriage, we’d actually like even more couple time together (gasp!). Sure, we see each other every day, but the bevy of hurried, innocuous and sometimes snippy interactions Marc and I experience throughout our busy day feel more like baton passes in a relay than anything close to meaningful connection.

So, we’ve started the practice of meeting once a week for tea (wine or seltzer works just as good, if that’s your fancy). And rather than let the day’s headlines or our endless checklist guide our conversation (Did you call the roofer? Should I book the flight to Atlanta before it gets too expensive? Are you going to call the bank about those extra fees?), we anchor our interlude in two questions that have completely changed how we spend those 30 minutes together.

What would you like to be acknowledged for?

What would you like me to know about your life?

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003: Two Questions with Kristen Manieri