You Must Be Some Kind of Therapist 176. Making Amends: Formerly “Trans” Lesbian Mother Jessi Harris on Survival, Family, & Forgiveness
Jessi Harris spent three decades living as a “trans man” before ultimately detransitioning. Her story is a powerful exploration of survival, discrimination, and the complex landscape of gender identity in late 20th-century America.
What happens when the path you choose to escape discrimination becomes its own form of constraint? How do you make amends after years of unintentionally hurting those closest to you? Jessi's narrative takes us through her experiences as a lesbian in the 1970s and 80s, when being gay meant facing persistent harassment, job discrimination, and even the threat of losing custody of her child.
Driven by a desire for safety and acceptance, Jessi “transitioned” in 1987, hoping to escape the intense discrimination she faced as a lesbian. Her journey reveals a stark reality: transitioning was never about truly wanting to be a man, but about survival. She navigated a world that was hostile to lesbian mothers, facing sexual assault, job loss, and repeated attempts to separate her from her daughter.
For 30 years, Jessi lived as a “trans man,” experiencing significant medical consequences including heart attacks linked to testosterone use and vaginal atrophy that ultimately required a hysterectomy. Throughout this time, she never truly believed she was a man – she was simply trying to protect herself and her family.
The most profound part of her story emerges in her detransition and the challenging process of making amends, particularly with her daughter. After years of separation, an honest apology became the bridge to rebuilding their relationship. Jessi's reflections offer a nuanced perspective on transition, highlighting the role of discrimination, survival instincts, and the importance of genuine accountability.
Key questions we explore:
- How did systemic discrimination push lesbians towards transition?
- What are the long-term medical consequences of hormone therapy?
- How can families heal after years of complex gender-related trauma?
- What does true accountability look like in the aftermath of major life choices?
Jessi's memoir is forthcoming, promising an even deeper dive into her extraordinary journey of survival, self-discovery, and reconciliation.
Bringing a personal perspective to the conversation, Jessi Harris is a 69-year-old lesbian woman from the Pacific Northwest, who lived in transition for three decades before detransitioning in 2017 and retiring from her career in the medical field in 2021. Drawing on a complex life experience, she is now passionately committed to sharing her journey, offering perspective and support for women and girls contemplating or navigating the complexities of gender transition and detransition. Jessi is available for correspondence via email for those interested in connecting further about her story: no1nozz@gmail.com
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Show notes & transcript provided with the help of SwellAI.
Special thanks to Joey Pecoraro for our theme song, “Half Awake,” used with gratitude and permission.
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