LessWrong (Curated & Popular) “Make More Grayspaces” by Duncan Sabien (Inactive)
Jul 21, 2025
Duncan Sabien, an insightful author and thinker, delves into the concept of 'gray spaces'—transitional environments that blend diverse social norms. He discusses the emotional hurdles faced by individuals from different backgrounds and emphasizes the need for supportive atmospheres to enhance cultural understanding. Sabien draws from his martial arts experiences to illustrate the significance of navigating cultural transitions while maintaining the essence of both cultures. He also explores the delicate balance of integrating new members into established communities without diluting their identities.
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Flinching Is Not An Attack
- Flinching from a hug by someone with good intentions is usually a trauma reflex, not an attack.
- This reflex can unintentionally hurt the well-meaning person trying to help, complicating their willingness to continue.
Cultural Defense Mismatches
- Cultural mismatches cause misunderstandings; in some cultures, constant defense is normal and expected.
- This causes conflicts like misinterpreting sincere questions as attacks, making coexistence between cultures difficult.
Silence Enables Deeper Conversation
- Some conversations need long pauses and vulnerability that are impossible when everyone is always defensive.
- Safe private spaces are necessary for these genuine, deep conversations to happen.
