And

it's a good thing I did because you was thinking it. I do believe.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Yes, yes, yes. No, no, no, no, no, no. She's not crying. No, I'm not crying. The truth is. And then you said, let's go to breakfast tomorrow. So we got to spend good time. And that's actually what I said. I said, I don't care if you see my play. I just wanna sit and hang out with you. And then we- So what was it like to play? Yeah, it was scary. I hadn't done a play in like over a decade. A lot of lines? So many lines, four actors split, you know, quarter, I don't know, down the middle, two, four ways. A month of rehearsal, okay. Was

that enough to do?

I think so. Yeah. Yeah. This is something that like really messed with me that I bet would have messed with you too. In rehearsals, okay, so we were doing a comedy. It was a really funny show. If I said something in a rehearsal that got a laugh from the producers and the director, it immediately sent me into a panic because I knew I would have 100 more of that. I had to have to do this 100 more times just in rehearsal alone. And because we come from, because we do comedy, the whole thing about comedy is like keeping it fresh and keep changing it up and surprising. Right. And you do that with, with, you know, when it's for the camera, you can do five, six, seven takes and they can be a little bit different each time. And maybe you'll get the, you know, guy to sort of chuckle behind the camera. But the idea that it worked in this moment, and that means I'm gonna have to do it exactly like that. It really- It really- It had me. Yeah. It was, I panicked. I really had a really hard time with it. I had to talk to the cast and the director, and I said, is it cool with you guys if something works, can I just not do it again until we open? To which they were like, no, you have to do it. That's not how this works. We need to all know the rhythm. That was something that was a very big challenge for me that ended up being a blessing and really fun, a cool way to sort of flex another comedy muscle of like, you know, timing and details. Right.

I have no right to talk about plays. It's been so long that I've been on stage, but there's such a different rhythm. When you're in front of a camera, you, you can go for it and discover and now that didn't work again. I keep doing, but the rhythm kind of a play is, uh, finally, oh, you got it. You understand it. Then there's a hill down where everything sucks. And then hopefully it comes up and opening night, BAM, through the roof. Great. Yeah. But it's a different, you have to go through what you just described of, oh, this is deadening. Yes,

and when you're in that down slope, it feels like there's nothing you can do. I mean, and that's for the entire sort of rehearsal and play process, but just on a nightly basis, once the show was up and running, if, I noticed, especially because this was like a comedy comedy, like a lot of jokes, a lot of laughing, if someone in the audience sneezed on the end of a funny line, I knew it wouldn't get up. Like, you know, you get that into it where it's like, okay, someone coughed right before he said the funny part, so they're not gonna hear that. So that means the next thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which was kind of fun, actually.

Because then you're engaged because when you're rehearsing, you don't have an audience except those few people are desperately hoping that their words are funny. Yeah, exactly. But the audience is just guiding you and yanking you around and doing new things. Yeah. So that does make us a little bit more spontaneous for you.

For sure. And that was the way to keep it fresh. And I had a great time and my biggest takeaway from it was just like, I can't wait to do it again. I definitely, yeah, I liked it. I really liked it. I loved it. It just took me back to real childhood. Doing plays with friends when you're a kid is the most fun thing I could possibly imagine, and that wasn't so different from this. Yeah,

I think I told you my story, which I won't bother, but I got so scared. But have you told about this? No, all right, I was at the Atlantic Theater. It's a good one. It is a good story. Atlantic Theater, which is this amazing theater in New York that feeds a lot of things into Broadway. Everything they do kind of ends up there. And they're friends of ours, Neil Pepe and Mary McCann, and they're just great people. And so they asked all the company members, but also me, I'm not a company member, to do this celebration three or four or five weeks of all the playwrights. It was the 25th anniversary. So they got 25 playwrights that they had been working with and said, write anything 20 minutes long. Doesn't matter. You can write an opera, you can write a monologue, you can write a scene. It doesn't matter. And then all these actors would come in and they would do five of these a night for a week and then they'd switch out to a new group of playwrights and do five of them every night. And you got about one day of rehearsal with Neil Pepe, the artistic director, and then off you went. And I saw somebody the week before me, when I flew into New York, I went to see that week's plays. And I saw somebody go up on a line. And I thought, oh well, somebody will whisper the line very surpiciously from the wings. No, it came from the lighting booth over a microphone, you know, the line you just missed. And so I thought, oh, I better think of something clever to say if I go up. And I had a monologue. There was a 20-minute monologue. And I so psyched myself. It was a wonderful monologue about a man who is talking to the audience and tries to remember what horrible thing he's trying to remember and he can't. And he goes through his day in front of the audience and then realizes that when he gets home, his wife says, can you take this down to the basement? And as he goes down to the basement, he realizes that a literal hell with stalactites and stalagmites and hell is in his basement. The real hell. And then he couldn't remember that. And he goes back out to walk the dog and by the time he comes back in, forgotten so every day is his second.

Jeez. Right.

So... 20 seconds in to my little opening night. Yeah. I went totally blank and it was like sticking my finger... 20 seconds in, sink my finger into a light socket and my whole body went zzzzzt. You know, and my heart raced my, in that split second, it's like, fuck, I can't believe that happened. Oh my god, my daughter's in the audience, do I cry? No, don't cry. I could get up and leave. Oh shit, I can't believe this. And then I remember to ask Darcy for the line. So I say, Darcy. Really? The person's name's, oh yeah. Darcy, what happens next?

Great, that's so charming. Like

I'm in charge.

Well,

Darcy, the stage manager, has just sat down behind the desk with her cup of coffee and 20 seconds in, the clown splits my line. I don't know yet. And spills her coffee, thumbs through to find out. And she gives me the line that I had just said before I forgot it. Got that one, hun. Yeah, I said, actually,

it's the next line. I mean, I would be so charmed. Okay, so then she

gives you the line. She gives me the line and I'm off and running.

And

I have so much adrenaline, so much anger, so much just craziness in my body that it probably was a brilliant performance, because this guy discovers he has hell in his basement, so he has a right to be upset. My poor daughter had to walk me around the block with like two liters of water to just flush

the adrenaline. Yeah, totally, that's not natural. I was just vibrant. The

next day, Neil Pepe, the director said, hey, why don't you come in half hour early and we'll just go over

the line. I don't know. I mean, the thing is, hearing the way you handled it, it is the perfect way that puts the audience at ease. Sure. Because I've been on the stage screwing up a line and I've been in the audience screwing up a line. And that is as much stress for the audience as it is for the person on stage, right? Yeah. Yeah. Horrible. Yeah. So you- Cart wreck. Cart wreck. Yeah. And when you, you know, hey, Darcy, what's the line? That's so charming. But I- It was

Darcy, by the way.

That's so weird. I know. So when you met me, were you like, I have a connotation? No, I'll never do theater again. I had a moment on stage for this play where there was like, it was a really, it was like a really clippy comedy, right? We were just like, it was the rhythm was there and, and you know, we weren't screwing up lines a lot but um, But on this one night there was like a pretty big dead pause and my brain went ooh Who screwed up and I looked around I was like trying to I would we just say what's coming up next? And my thought was how can I help this person get out of this situation? And then I see all three sets of eyes staring at me I realize it was my line. It was my line. Somehow, you know, somehow I had just gotten off. And then I said it and then it was fine. And we were off and moving, but it is such a weird. And also, oh yeah, yeah, there was also, so a little bit after that, there's a moment where I'm staring at the back of the stage at the, you know, upstage. And the only thing running through my mind was, you are on Broadway. You just made that mistake. This isn't a commute. Like, this is not some little nothing that you are on Broadway and you fool. You just made that mistake. But it was okay. And then I never did it again. How many reviews? Do you really want to know? Yeah.

Okay. Fantastic. Yeah. Give me a quote.

You know, actually now that you say that, like I didn't really, my, you know, just, your people, your reps do this where you get like an email that kind of have pull quotes about you. Do you get that? If there's a review and it's like, this is, this was positive. They said blah, blah, blah. So now that I think about, here's something that I do. This is weird. And I'm sure this is my ADHD brain and full effect. And I did this for the good place too. When we would get reviews, I would open them. Okay. So imagine my little laptop. I'd open them, but I wouldn't read them, but they'd be a tab. So they would be like one. I would have, I would have the review on read, but I wouldn't read it for months. I wouldn't read it for months. Smart. Smart. I don't even know why. I think I can handle it, but I just couldn't do it. And so I remember having reviews of that Janet's episode up for like a year before I got to them. So anyway, they were, they were, you know, it was, it was really, I felt very, uh, embraced and like welcomed. Oh, wonderful. Yeah. It was, it was, I felt really good. It was really, really nice. It was nice. I, I kind of couldn't quite believe it. Can

I tell you some of my reviews? It was after Cheers, it was Becker, and to some degree I think it's a truism that after something massively successful, there are some folks out there, especially if the press loved you in the Cheers, that were kind of laying in wait. I'd like to think that that's the case. But Mary and I, it was premiere night, but Mary and I were in New York, so I had just done all the press, you know, all these shows for two days. And then we were in a car being driven to the airport to fly back to LA for opening night party and watch the show. And I watch Mary, I'm happy, I'm content, I've... floor? You know, I went, oh, okay. Let me read them. There, you know, she stutters for a minute and then hands them to me. Here was my favorite headline. Two tepid Ted. And then the sense went on. But two tepid Ted stuck in my memory. The other one was, Mr. Thinksy's so wonderful, Banson. Yeah, these people didn't like me as much as you do.

But it

was just, it's hammered in my brain. I will never forget to tap a dead.

No, the other one is worse for me. Thinks he's wonderful. My mom basically said that to me one time. Like, not me? She thinks she's great. Something similar. Like, okay, wait, what was the line again? It was thinks he's so wonderful.

Yeah, thinks he's so wonderful dancing.

Yeah, I just remember, I don't even remember what it was having to do with, but it was, you know, your mom can say whatever. She can call you a brat. She can, moms can get you. But there was something about, you're not as cute as you think you are. That really stuck with me. It might have been the meanest thing she's ever said to me. But also,, good to remember. Yeah.

I've said this on the show before but my mother when asked how she felt about my success on Cheers in the early days. She said, well I'm happy for him, of course, but it's a little foreign to me because I come from a long line of people who believe in the quiet, no, the nobility of quiet failure.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. That'll stick with you. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's really good.

That's a great quote.

Yeah, that's the best.

All right. Let me ask you another question and then we'll, we're about at the hour mark, but First off I adore you the feeling and I really They we have you on camera by the way So when you were professing your love with tears in your eyes, we do have that and

we might see I do think I got a little teary in my right eye. Yeah. On

the corner. On the downstage. Yeah.

The camera's there right? No,... But I want to ask you one

more. I want to know about... My cosmic heart? Yeah, yeah. I mean, in

general, you know, I... Here's... I feel very lucky. Mm-hmm. Okay? And as... And I think that's, when I think about my heart, I think I like, I can be a little boo-hoo but then if I zoom out, it's very easy for me to see that I am so unbelievably lucky and grateful. And I get to, it's like as simple as like live my dreams. I got, you know, think of that, me telling you that I got to watch you on Fargo and all I could think of was I want to work with that guy. I just wanna work with him He's so good. I just want to be on a set with him and and get to work with him and I've gotten to have that experience with not just you. But I got to tell you Ted and I've said this before and other people have said this too. You're the best actor I've ever worked with in scenes together. You and me one-on No, don't Your resume is very

short. No, I have.

I've worked with really good people. That's true though. But no, I, um, you are the best scene partner. No, don't even, don't go to where this is the microphone. You are the most connected and committed and surprising and inspiring actor I have ever worked with. And when I got to be in scenes with you one-on I'm not kidding. When I got to be in scenes with you one-on you made me a better actor in real time, for real. You, you alone. This is tough.

Just so you know, I have complete editorials. But at least I know you heard that. So I'm keeping this in. Yeah, okay, great, great. I am definitely keeping this in. You really are. You're so special. Yeah, you're deflecting. But okay, thank you. Thank you so much. I really, and I adore you too. Here's something about you that wherever I go, especially in our world of actors and writers and directors and stuff, people, I'm not looking at you either, but I'm not crying. But it's hard to look at people directly in there. I know it is. Sorry, but the ripple effect you have of what you put out in the world, people love you. People are ferociously care about their relationship with you and with Jason. You mean a lot to a lot of people that are out there working in our world. And that's something that, hey, I didn't interrupt you. That's something that is a ripple effect that is a purposeful part of your life. You care about people, you care about your friends, you're fiercely loyal, and that does have a ripple effect. So. Cool. I love that. Thank you so much. I'll take that. I really, really enjoy sitting there talking to you. I love you.

Yeah.

Marcy or Darcy? Well, I'm Darie, but yeah.

There are Marcy's out there for sure. And that one.

This is Two Tepid Ted signing

off. Two Tepid Ted. I love you so much. I just couldn't love you more. I fucking love you.