Yvonne, Adis Wife, O Vintage.

The writer has spent most of his life travelling the british rail network. Has enjoyed blinding fellow passengers with her luminous pink slacks and tangurine blouse. But now strikes are grinding the network to a standstill, he will instead be spending this week's great railway journey sitting at home. His message to nation's rail workers is: 'Thank you for making me realize just how much i bloody hate british trains'