How Parentification Shapes Perfectionism and Identity

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What if the invisible responsibilities you carried as a child are still shaping your adult life?

In this episode of Trauma Rewired, we explore parentification—a hidden form of childhood trauma where children are forced to become the emotional or physical caretakers of their parents. Whether you managed your parent's emotions or became "the responsible one" too early, these patterns can wire your nervous system for survival rather than safety—and the impact is long-term.

Jennifer Wallace and Elisabeth Kristof unpack how emotional and instrumental parentification lead to chronic stress, emotional repression, gut dysfunction, and deeply rooted perfectionism. You'll learn why healing isn't about changing your parents, but about reclaiming autonomy in your own nervous system through boundary setting, grief integration, and somatic repatterning.

We break down how these early adaptations become nervous system defaults—like freeze, fawn, and shame—and how to begin shifting them using neuro-somatic tools that regulate stress, restore connection, and return you to your body.

This episode is both validating and empowering: you are not broken—you were overloaded. And healing starts when you stop carrying what was never yours to hold.

Topics discussed in this episode: ● What parentification is and why it's often invisible ● The difference between emotional and instrumental parentification ● How parentification leads to chronic shame, perfectionism, and nervous system dysregulation ● The impact of childhood stress on gut health and inflammation ● How emotional repression starts in childhood and lives in the body ● Why boundaries feel threatening—but are essential for healing ● The link between freeze, fawn, and CPTSD ● How nervous system repatterning rewires your relational responses ● The role of somatic practice in processing stored grief and guilt ● Why your healing won't change others—but it will change you ● How to reclaim your emotional autonomy and rewrite survival-based wiring

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