4 Relationship Killers and How to Beat Them | Toolbox
The Art of Charm
I Don't Know How I Made the Other Person Feel
John Gottman's work is incredibly important to building relationships with others, but also works to rectify the situation. "The expression of the empathy is more important than mind reading," he says. The last thing we want in these situations of conflict is for you or both of you or the other party to walk away feeling completely invalidated and shut down.
In today’s episode, we cover the four horsemen of relationship dynamics with AJ, Johnny, and Coach Michael.
We all encounter four dynamics in our personal and professional relationships, so what are they, what is the best way to approach each one to minimize conflict, and in the case of conflict, what makes for the best and worst apologies?
What to Listen For
- The Four Horsemen of Relationship Dynamics: Criticism – 0:00
- What are the four primary relationship dynamics?
- What’s the best way to handle criticism in a relationship?
- How do you effectively give criticism in a relationship without angering or upsetting your partner?
- Defensiveness – 15:35
- What are the 3 ways defensiveness shows up in relationships and how should you approach each one?
- What is the worst kind of apology?
- What makes a good apology?
- Stonewalling – 27:42
- What is stonewalling and why does it do so much damage to relationships?
- What is the best way to handle a friend or partner who stonewalls in response to potential arguments?
- The Final Straw: Contempt – 44:14
- What is the best predictor of divorce?
- Why do you start feeling contempt for your partner?
- What strategies can you use to break the cycle of feeling contempt for someone?
Nobody likes feeling criticized, but it’s an unavoidable part of every relationship and we have to know how to give and receive criticism effectively in order to grow. The key is to learn how to give criticism in a way that doesn’t damage your relationship or make your partner feel defensive. If you can learn how to recognize and manage stonewalling, defensiveness, and contempt, you’ll be on the right track to maintaining a happy and healthy relationship with your partner, friends, family, and coworkers.
A Word From Our Sponsors
Are you ready to take your career to the next level in 2023? Looking to grow your high-value social circle?
You are one relationship away from changing your entire life.
Listen: your social circle, professional network, and lack of confidence are thwarting your attempts at accelerating your career.
But there’s something you can do about it.
After coaching over 10,000 clients including military special operators and Fortune 500 executives we’ve learned a thing or two about what it actually takes to grow your network. In fact, over 90% of the amazing guests on this show are from referrals in our personal networks.
We’ve packaged our best insights inside a course called, Social Capital. And, as a thank you for being a podcast listener, we want to give you this training for FREE to start 2023.
To get your hands on this training and immediately start improving your relationships, go to theartofcharm.com/sc
Do you LOVE the toolbox episodes? Did you know that every week we give a LIVE mini-toolbox lesson inside our Private Facebook Group? Best of all it is FREE to join. Join today and get access to all of our live training and level up your communication, leadership, influence and persuasion skills. With 14,000 members it’s a great place to network, learn and overcome any obstacle that’s in your way.
Running out of things to say in conversation… and still struggling to get people interested in you? That’s an uncomfortable position to be in. Don’t want to risk getting tongue-tied and screwing things up the next time you meet someone? Check out Conversation Magic now to make sure you don't crash and burn. With our bulletproof formula, you'll be flirting up a storm, sparking fun and engaging conversations, and making high-value friends anywhere!
Additional Sponsors:
Babbel - https://www.babbel.com/charm
Hello Fresh - https://hellofresh.com/charm65
Athletic Greens - https://athleticgreens.com/charm
NextEvo - https://nextevo.com/charm
Resources from this Episode
The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling
Check in with AJ and Johnny!
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
The AI-powered Podcast Player
