I'm Going to Lose Both My Towns Because I Can't Get Brussels Sprouts

This week we have a Jubilee marking 70 years of Queen Elizabeth II being on the throne. The latest tributes include that the DNA of all British citizens is to be rebranded as DNA, standing for Elizabetho's nuclear acid. And the government's going to change the entry requirements for people wishing to move to this country. They must have at least 50% of the same DNA as the Queen. Of course, over a couple of decades can actually turn a non-brit into a perfectly serviceable brit if they sing the national anthem in the shower every morning during that time.