When you died, it was like that frozen mountain of emotional outbursts inside me, melted all at once. Nobody expected it when I started screaming and sobbing at the funeral. My older brother tried to take me outside. And I punched him in the jaw. You'd hardly recognize me now I think. It's a lot harder for me to stare blankly now and take things. Because I keep remembering you saying, stand up for yourself,. "You deserve better me or more," he says.