12min chapter

The Nick Bare Podcast cover image

041: Settling Into Nashville: Parenting, Marriage and New Seasons of Life

The Nick Bare Podcast

CHAPTER

Finding Purpose and Direction

The importance of having purpose and direction in life is explored, using the analogy of a powerful alpha dog that needs purpose to avoid self-destructive behavior. The speakers also discuss their own journeys of finding purpose and how they have embraced different seasons in life to pursue varied interests.

00:00
Speaker 2
I'm just being open. I'm hopeful and I'm excited, but there's definitely days where you're just like, dang, like, what am I? What is my purpose? Like, I love
Speaker 1
who told you about the dog and the holes? The bajor school in. Yeah. I talked
Speaker 2
about that
Speaker 1
in therapy this morning. Like, say it again. Yes. Bajor has had this, this dog. I forget exactly what kind of dog it was. But he had this dog that they, they got to pretty much protect their family. Very powerful alpha type dog. And he hired a trainer to train this dog. And the trainer said, you have to give this, this animal purpose and direction. Like
Speaker 2
a dog like this
Speaker 1
needs a dog. This needs purpose and direction. Because if you don't, he will dig holes all over your yard. That will be his purpose. He, so, so Bajor has like had this conversation with his trainers. Oh, that is, that is just like us. Like we as human beings, as individuals, if we live a life without purpose and direction, we will give ourselves purpose and direction
Speaker 2
and self-destruct by digging holes everywhere. And even Ken, last couple of weeks, he talked about that too. Yeah. Like a man without purpose, something seeks pleasure or something or distracts himself with pleasure.
Speaker 1
Right. So if you don't have this purpose and direction in life, you will, you will subconsciously give yourself purpose and direction by self sabotaging and destructing by digging holes everywhere and anywhere to find purpose and direction. Yeah. And that's why it's such a important foundation to have in your life.
Speaker 2
Oh my gosh. Yeah.
Speaker 1
And I think too, I'm sure a ton of new moms can relate to this, but
Speaker 2
I, one
Speaker 1
of like my insecurities in life has just been, and I think it's been a
Speaker 2
little bit more brought to light being married to you because you, you are Nick Bear, you are the founder of VPN, you run marathons, you run altramarathons, right?
Speaker 1
You have these very black and white, I don't know, descriptions of yourself or even identity, right? And for me, I've just never been like that. I've always, which I
Speaker 2
don't
Speaker 1
think is a bad thing. I'm
Speaker 2
just always trying new things, and I'm always curious and I'm always getting new passions and... There's nothing
Speaker 1
wrong with that.
Speaker 2
Right. And I've learned there's nothing wrong with that. But for a while, I did carry some shame that I just couldn't really ever like stick to one thing. But I think that's what's kind of fun about me is that I do get into seasons where like, I'm really passionate about this, and then maybe in a couple of years, I won't be anymore. That's okay. Like that makes life really fun and exciting, honestly.
Speaker 1
But I really beat myself down on not having that like one
Speaker 2
thing. And I think I leaned
Speaker 1
as soon as we found out that we got pregnant, I really was like, oh,
Speaker 2
well, this
Speaker 1
is it. I'm gonna be a mom. That's what
Speaker 2
I'm, that's my purpose. Like, and I almost...
Speaker 1
But
Speaker 2
it is. It is.
Speaker 1
It is. It is. It's part of my purpose, though. And it's part of my identity. But I think I almost put too much weight on that.
Speaker 2
So then, you
Speaker 1
know, once the postpartum fog lifted
Speaker 2
and I stopped kind of like, you know, I was
Speaker 1
pressing my like the only like person I was
Speaker 2
working with when I was like really heavy into blogging. She moved away. It's like, okay, well, I'm just gonna hang the hat on blogging and all the structure and the stuff that I've built.
Speaker 1
And then I kind of just like, okay, I'll just be a mom. And then I really quickly realized that, yeah,
Speaker 2
that's part of my identity. That's part of my purpose. But that ain't it for me. That's not all it is for me. So we were talking about this this weekend. Like, Charlie's almost a year and a half. And it's been a year and a half of me kind of just not having, you know, that
Speaker 1
fire. And I think that's okay. I think it's okay if your child isn't the sole reason you have
Speaker 2
lights, you're so on fire. Charlie is the most rewarding thing. And it's my favorite role for sure. But I need
Speaker 1
more. And I think a lot of moms sometimes feel guilty for wanting more. And I feel that. But I think that I'm
Speaker 2
accepting that I
Speaker 1
do want more. And it's
Speaker 2
going to make me a better mom for Charlie. And I want her to see me work
Speaker 1
for more. So it's a mix of acceptance. And then just finding, again, like what you said, what sets my sole on fire. And that's kind of where I'm at now. And I'm just
Speaker 2
really excited because I feel like I'm in the place where I want that to
Speaker 1
happen physically and emotionally. One of the things I always say to you too is like, who's writing these rules? Yeah. It's like, you say, well, I can't do this. And I feel guilty for that. And what role book are you
Speaker 2
following? Who's writing these? The rule book of social
Speaker 1
media. Exactly. It's a rule book of comparison. And as the phrase goes, comparison is the thief of joy. There's no rule book to life. Yeah. There's a rule book of principles and value that is the law and that is the Bible, which guides us morally. But there's no rule book that says we have to do things in a particular order or a certain way. The life that you want that provides happiness and fulfillment and joy. You are the ultimate crater in the way that is constructed. And that's the fun part. That's where I always like, look at life is, here's where I want to get to. How do I get there, regardless of what the blueprint says, I'll be an exception to the rule or rule book. Yeah.
Speaker 2
And that's all very true. Hard to accept at times.
Speaker 1
I acknowledge that. Yeah. But we're getting there. And yeah, I think I'm
Speaker 2
really
Speaker 1
excited for this next year. I can't wait to see a year from now, like what's going
Speaker 2
on in our life. What Charlie's doing. Probably
Speaker 1
have another
Speaker 2
baby. I know. I'm not pregnant right now, but I am excited to add more little little people to our family. It's yeah, we like we said, we want that
Speaker 1
loud, fun family and we have to
Speaker 2
build it. Yeah,
Speaker 1
you want pure chaos in the house.
Speaker 2
We feel like we kind of already have it sometimes with Ryder, Rummy, but dogs,
Speaker 1
the dogs will crit pure chaos, but we want more kids, big family. Right now, living away from family is definitely hard. Yeah. And having we both have smaller families. So when you have smaller families and the family you do have is states away, can be challenging and difficult. Yeah. And we want like this loud, crazy, fun family experience. So we have to create that. Right. We have to build that. Yeah. And I
Speaker 2
know for me, I grew up with a bajillion cousins all close in age to all of within 20 minutes of each other. I grew up with great aunts and uncles still have them obviously, but we're just there's that distance in between. And I think we have this realization and like,
Speaker 1
I think when Preston and Val got pregnant, we're like so excited to have a cousin in the family. Part for a second, I was like, hold on, they didn't announce, but they did. They did. Yeah. So my brother and his wife, Val, they are expecting baby girl in April. Girl squad. Yep. April.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Super exciting. Yeah.
Speaker 1
So I think when that came to life, I was like,
Speaker 2
okay, so you know, my sister, she has daughter, your brother is going to have a daughter. Like, but I mean, she's going to have a small, you know, immediate family. And I'm like, dang, like, I, that's not how I grew up.
Speaker 1
It's just different. It's just, it's just different. And she's far away from her family. It's just different. So that's why at night with her, I've been praying, like one of the
Speaker 2
biggest things we pray for and spend time on is I
Speaker 1
pray for a community that feels like family and friends to do life with that share our same values and just people to
Speaker 2
be around, Charlie, they can like love on her and that she knows, love her. And I'm just excited that we are finally in a place where we can root and work towards that. I
Speaker 1
agree. Yeah. Do I do a little rapid fire to tie this up? Let's see what you got. It's nothing wild. It's just like fun, random things. Honestly, we probably kind of touched up this a little bit. But all
Speaker 2
right. So
Speaker 1
the subject is current, like current favorites,
Speaker 2
whatever. Okay. What's
Speaker 1
your, I don't know, this is going to be
Speaker 2
what's your current obsession? My
Speaker 1
current obsession. I would say is beats, but also nearly found, refound, sauerkraut. But adding sauerkraut to my meals instead of beats. And it
Speaker 2
is delicious. Shout out, Jordan.
Speaker 1
Also be pollen. I've been doing a shot of beep pollen every morning,
Speaker 2
which is not honey that I learned. And it's pretty gross. It's like adorable food for what I like it.
Speaker 1
My current obsession, sourdough. No brainer.
Speaker 2
Sourdough for sure. Yeah. I'm, I was taking notes and reading, listening, all the things about sourdough. Okay. What is your current source of inspiration? What's inspiring you right now?
Speaker 1
It's a good one. I think I know your answer, but we'll see what you say.
Speaker 2
Yeah. I am right
Speaker 1
now really inspired and motivated for this next chapter of growth in my professional journey of building VPN, but taking a completely different approach, something disruptive, something that hasn't been done before, something that is original and authentic to me. And it doesn't feel like something that's been thrown in the washer, cleaned, and then re-worn. It's something that's been custom cut. You're the crow. Yes. Yes. Go listen to the mockingbird. You're
Speaker 2
entering your crow era.
Speaker 1
Yes. Maybe that should be your tattoo.
Speaker 2
It's a crow. I'll get a
Speaker 1
sparrow. I'm actually. I'm mocking bird. I have my, uh, I have my consultation for my tattoo on, uh, Monday, this coming Monday. We'll get it on the books. I'm just glad it's not a Pegasus. I'm finishing my sleeve, baby. Okay. What's your, uh, supposed to be cooking? Well, I thought you were going to say cooking because you're like really on fire with cooking right now. I am very, I'm very inspired by cooking right now. Yeah. And that, that will definitely, uh, that will definitely be a huge part of this next chapter of my life.
Speaker 2
Yeah. What's currently inspiring me? Um, I
Speaker 1
would say a mix between, it's not really tangible, but like what's around the corner? I'm just, I just feel, I have this feeling.

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