Being specific: ask the right questions

Text fights hit different.

There’s something about seeing the exact words—line by line, timestamped, impossible to deny—that makes communication breakdowns painfully clear.

In today’s episode, we’re breaking down a real text fight sent in by a community member. We walk through what went right, what went wrong, and where things quietly went off the rails long before anyone realized they were “arguing.”

This episode is packed with practical communication tips, emotional insight, and a few spicy takes you’ll probably want to steal for your own relationship.

Including one we know will ruffle feathers…

💛 In this episode, you’ll hear:

• Why text fights escalate faster than in-person conversations.

• What “having the receipts” actually teaches us about communication patterns.

• How sexual disconnect shows up in everyday arguments (even when sex isn’t mentioned 👀).

• The hidden expectations partners bring into conflict without realizing it.

• Why “warming up” emotionally matters more than being technically right.

• Our hot take on love languages — and how they’ve accidentally made some of us less than loving.

We also talk about how couples can reset these patterns without starting from scratch or turning every disagreement into a therapy-level conversation.

If you’ve ever reread a text exchange and thought, How did this blow up so fast? — this one’s for you.

🔥 NEW! The New Year, New Us: 21 Day Relationship Refresh

January tends to come with a lot of pressure to “fix” yourself.

But what if the thing that made everything else feel better… was your relationship?

New Year, New Us is a Deeper-member-only 21-day relationship refresh designed to help you reconnect without overthinking it.

Three weeks.

Five minutes a day.

Simple, sexy, and totally doable.

This is the gift you give each other when you want more “oh wow… we actually like each other again.”

Because when your relationship is better… everything else is too. ❤️

Join the Deeper membership now for $99/quarter (normally $129) or $247/year (normally $299) and unlock the entire New Year, New Us challenge, plus everything else inside Deeper.

👉 Join us at https://vmtherapy.com/newyear

🔗 Links + Resources

Take our free Intimacy Quiz to uncover what’s missing (and how to get it back).

Discover your intimacy type and get personalized tools to help you communicate better, desire more, and feel closer than ever.

👉 Take the quiz now and unlock your results: https://vmtherapy.com/5keys

Stay connected

📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander

💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe

🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!

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