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That moment when Lewis says he didn’t want to speak up when friends bullied other kids because he wanted to belong feels painfully familiar, like a memory your nervous system saved in HD. Brené meets him there and drops the gut-punch research: fitting in is a constant scan of the room, deciding who to become so you won’t be left out, and the price is betrayal. You can feel the tension in the paradox she names, wanting connection while quietly disappearing inside it, and the harsh truth that it’s not sustainable.
The practical move is small but ruthless: catch yourself in the “Who do I need to be right now?” spiral and replace it with “Who am I, even if it’s awkward?” Choose one place this week to stop performing, even in a tiny way, like saying what you actually think or not laughing at the joke that makes someone smaller. Belonging everywhere starts when you can walk into any room and not abandon yourself just to be liked, because real freedom is being able to stand alone without feeling lonely.
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