"It's not that they don't love you, as i know you know. I think it's when you don't, when you a lot of your own pain, you don't haveta face for other people," she writes. "My beautiful valery has taught me to look in my body and go, oh my god." 'I'm telling you this thi whatever i mgt have been,' the actress adds. "'This is why i wrote my book' It was a real wounded shild thing to be,'" Lila says.