The Tories' Plan to Stop Porridge Flooding

The government used to run a porridge pot simulation every, I think it was every three years back in the day. They haven't done one since 2011 - they're leaving us exposed and none of us know or care until it happens. And then, oh, you can, look at that there. Oh, are you going to stop that when that's in the street? Wait, we haven't got the infrastructure. The Soviets will hack in to our slow cookers, our rice cookers,. Our porridge pots, and dare I say, even our air fryers... We will be completely defenseless. Totally.