i think it's a little bit difficult for you to access your feelings. So i'm not sure exactly where it comes from, but so we sort of hypothesise maybe it comes from bullying. It sounds like the feeling that is closer is actually the feeling that like something around the way that your dad made you uncomfortable. Is that fair or not really? I think it's because you've learned how to numb yourself from rejection. Because inside the trap door of your subconscious there is a whole pile of like, feeling like a shaedy human being. That is gans absolutely beautifully put right.