I thought he was gonna get better and it just didn't really happen. I can relate to that in my own way. The challenge is I had to learn how to hold like two things in my hands at the same time but also like the beauty that comes from that. There's no way that I would be where I'm at without that accident happening because in a lot of ways I didn't have the emotional courage. So when he was not able to support me emotionally mentally spiritually financially it was like oh I need to become something greater. And there was so many other tragic things around it was just all tragic. But who I became cared deeply about human beings and the human condition and