Bad goals: positional and social comparison

Most of us know that we should set goals, but there is a lot of confusion about why they matter and how to choose them well.

In this episode of Office Hours, I reflect on the difference between meaning and purpose, and on how the goals we pursue quietly shape the direction of our lives. I talk about why some goals leave us feeling empty even when we achieve them, and what it means to aim our lives toward something that truly matters.

My hope is that this episode invites you to pause, think about your goals in life, and consider whether the path you are on is leading you where you want to go.

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Where to find Arthur Brooks: 

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Timestamps:

(00:00) Intro

(05:00) The three components of meaning

(08:14) Big goals, and why most of us are not Mother Teresa

(09:55) Proxy goals, and how they can lead us to feel more purpose

(13:16) Jung’s philosophy on good goals 

(14:42) An extrinsic motivation 

(17:20) Intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivation

(19:14) Goals based in avoidance 

(21:34) Positional goals 

(24:33) Focus on love, not things

(28:15) Listen to the small voice 

(31:40) Enjoy the happy journey

(34:08) Stay flexible

(37:09) Q&A: Fasting vs. a heavy protein breakfast 

(38:17) Q&A: How to teach your children to be happier 

(39:44) Q&A: Navigating a big transition

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Referenced:

• The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness: https://www.amazon.com/Meaning-Your-Life-Finding-Emptiness/dp/0593545427

• The Happiness Scale: https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale 

• The Three Macronutrients of Happiness, and How to Measure Yours: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/podcast/the-three-macronutrients-of-happiness-and-how-to-measure-yours 

• The why to bear any how: Goal self-concordance, meaning, and depressive and anxious symptomatology: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2024-69173-001 

• Intrinsic and extrinsic motivation from a self-determination theory perspective: Definitions, theory, practices, and future directions: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0361476X20300254

• Effects of externally mediated rewards on intrinsic motivation: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1971-22190-001   

• Evaluation of the Happiness Through Goal-Setting Training: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35084260 

• Compared to whom? Inequality, social comparison, and happiness in the United States: https://research.manchester.ac.uk/en/publications/compared-to-whom-inequality-social-comparison-and-happiness-in-th 

• The Confessions of St. Augustine: https://www.gutenberg.org/files/3296/3296-h/3296-h.htm 

• Monkey see, monkey do: Model behavior in early childhood: https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/monkey_see_monkey_do_model_behavior_in_early_childhood

• ...References continued at: ⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/office-hours⁠

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