"The nature of life is uncertainty," he writes. "For the first time in my life, i realized that the very fabric ofthe life self is uncertainty" He says his relationship with a woman who left him for another man was pivotal to how he feels about himself and others. 'I don't know what's going to happen next,' he said after their break-up. "'If you want to get sort of celluloid like,  i saw the code and the matrix' That moment has never left me."

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