Reimagining Compassion: A New Approach to Conflict Resolution

Dr Nate Regier is a trained clinical psychologist who has built a business on a beautiful idea. Diversity is a fundamental characteristic of the human race and an inevitable consequence of that diversity is conflict. He discovered in the work of Michael Meade that compassion is the mechanism that transforms conflict from a destructive force into a creative force.

Nate is Founder and CEO of Next Element, a global advisory firm specializing in leadership communication, and author of two books: Beyond Drama: Transcending Energy Vampires, and Conflict Without Casualties: A Field Guide for Leading With Compassionate Accountability.

In the 11 years of his clinical practice, Nate never quite came to terms with “diagnosing, pathologizing and setting myself up as the expert.” He much preferred coaching methodologies, consultation, liaison and training. So in 2008 he set up Next Element with some colleagues, to bring what they had learnt in the clinical space to the corporate world.

His interest in compassion stems from his upbringing in Africa with parents who belonged to a Christian denomination that focuses on pacifism and non-violence. He became interested in how we might bring compassion not just to war-torn areas but also into the corporate workplace.

Next Element has 80 certified coaches and trains, coaches and certifies people in healthy conflict communication skills so that companies can build cultures of “Compassionate Accountability.” He maintains that compassion without accountability isn’t sufficient for navigating complex differences, whilst accountability without compassion – focusing solely on results and the bottom line – fosters alienation.

A culture of compassionate accountability has three features – it’s safe, it’s curious, and it’s consistent.

Whilst some of Nate’s clients are on the journey from good to great, for the most part, the executives Nate works with come to Next Element “because they want the suffering to go away”: they’re tired of dealing with conflict within the organisation, they wish their staff would become more autonomous and capable, they wish people could deal with their own problems.

The backbone of Next Element’s approach is ORPO – open, resourceful, persistent and open. For example, if someone has said something that you consider offensive in a meeting, you might approach them later and start by disclosing how you are feeling (open). Then you share what you heard, how you interpreted it, and ask them for their intention (resourceful). The ‘persistent’ element might involve explaining why it is important that we support an environment of safety and open-mindedness in our meetings. Then you could close by asking them how they feel about what you have said (open).

ORPO is based on the idea that we are each responsible for our behaviours and we are not trying to fix each other but struggle together towards a common outcome.

So far Next Element has worked with the leaders of organisations, but they have plans for making their training more accessible and affordable. Their theme for 2020 is “compassion reimagined.” They have a 2-hour webinar “Conflict and You” and they have just launched “Compassion Mindset”, a virtual learning course in compassion. “Leading out of Drama” is their compassionate accountability model.

The UK National Health Service (in Wolverhampton) is already working with Next Element.

Next Element has developed measures for compassion - “the drama resilience assessment” – that measures the capacity of an individual to resist drama and, instead, to turn it into something constructive. Nate rejects the idea that there is a giving and receiving end to compassion. In his view it is co-created between parties.

Next Element practices compassionate accountability within their own organisation. They are a firm based on people skills and cultures and from the beginning they decided that they would be a laboratory. They’ve developed specific applications of ORPO for meetings, for performance conversations, for building daily connections, and for making apologies.

Nate would contend that the greatest achievement to date of Next Element is that they are still in business, particularly since they opened in 2008, when companies were cutting their training budgets in the wake of the economic crisis.

There is a difference in the orientation of different geographies to compassion, contrast Serbia with the West Coast of the USA.

One of Nate’s most spectacular mistakes relates to a case study within one of his books that he believed he had disguised so as to be unrecognisable. He didn’t ask the client’s permission and when the book was published several people on the client’s executive team recognised it. He is still rebuilding the relationship.

Nate has a podcast, “On Compassion with Dr Nate”, which is very similar to “The Compassionate Leadership Interview.”  

Nate believes that compassion starts within us and it is about how we are with people and not what we do to them. Therefore self-compassion is critical. His self-care regime encompasses sleep, diet and exercise, and meaningful quality time with family. He makes space in the morning for time on his own; to stretch, to practice mindfulness, and to write.

He has been inspired on his leadership journey by his parents and by Taibi Kahler, the originator of the Process Communication Method (PCM). The latter has transformed his life and it is also a core part of his company.

In addition to his own podcast and his book ‘Conflict without Casualties’, Nate would recommend ‘Leadership and Self-Deception’ by the Arbinger Institute.

The advice he would give to his 20-year-old self is “never burn bridges… choose to be effective rather than justified.”