How affairs actually start: attention, not sex

James explains affairs begin with attention and fascination, not primarily physical desire.

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Most people think marriage is about love. James Sexton knows better — it's about survival. After handling 2,000+ divorces over 25 years, this legendary divorce attorney has seen it all: the affairs that start with attention instead of sex, the gestures that can end marriages, and the brutal truth that 53% of marriages end in divorce. In this raw, unfiltered conversation, James breaks down why half of all marriages fail and what the other half is doing right.

From the real reason people cheat (hint: it's not what you think) to why Instagram is an infidelity-generating machine, James reveals the patterns that predict divorce with scary accuracy. We dive into the economics of relationships, why prenups are actually love letters, and how a dog can teach you more about marriage than any therapist. He shares the craziest prenup he's ever seen (10 pounds = $10,000 less in alimony), why "happy wife, happy life" is terrible advice, and the one question that softens even the most bitter couples.

But this isn't just about what goes wrong — it's about what goes right. James explains why second marriages have better odds, how to fight fairly without weaponizing intimacy, and why the male equivalent of flowers might be exactly what you think it is. If you've ever wondered why some couples make it while others crash and burn, or if you want to save your relationship before it ends up in a lawyer's office, this episode will change how you think about love, commitment, and the bravest thing any human can do.

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00:00:00 Introduction 00:01:51 Is Marriage Still Worth It? The Lottery Analogy 00:04:48 The 86% Remarriage Rate and Second Marriage Energy 00:05:53 Red Flags: How to Spot a Marriage Heading for Divorce 00:07:55 The Throw Pillow Test: Small Gestures That Say I Love You 00:12:50 The Weaponization of Intimacy: Why You Can't Take It Back 00:15:31 Dogs, Love, and the Bravery of Accepting Loss 00:18:48 Why James Isn't Jaded: Staying Romantic After 2,000 Divorces 00:23:42 People Stop Doing the Things That Kept Love Alive 00:24:41 The Two Biggest Problems: Not Knowing What You Want and Can't Express It 00:30:50 The Shaving Story: Positive Reinforcement vs. Criticism 00:33:28 Flowers and Nudes: Understanding What Your Partner Actually Wants 00:39:20 How Affairs Really Start: It's Never About the Sex 00:41:10 Instagram: The Infidelity Generating Machine 00:52:20 Prenups: Everyone Has One, Either Yours or the Government's 00:58:28 The Craziest Prenup: Ten Pounds Equals Ten Thousand Dollars 00:57:21 Democratizing Prenups: Making Marriage Contracts Accessible 01:03:54 Premarital Education: The Barrier to Entry Marriage Needs 01:23:35 Everyone's Sleeping With the Nanny: The Real Reason Why 01:10:34 The Weapon Analogy: Being a Divorce Lawyer and Believing in Justice 01:17:01 Poetry, Beauty, and Crying at Your Son's Wedding 01:19:36 Final Thoughts: Who Should Read This Book and Why

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