The Pain of Not Fitting In

Doctor Orion Taraban is a clinical psychologist and owner of the PsycHacks Youtube channel. @psychacks    

In this episode we discuss the psychology of dating, the behavioral economics of dating and how those two things make men and women have very different incentives and approaches

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TIMESTAMPS

00:00 INTRO

00:14 Why Women Go to Therapy 3 Times More Than Men

03:27 Is Therapy Better Fit for Women?

05:58 Men Find External Solutions to Internal Problems

10:55 Why Modern Men Are Struggling in Dating

13:30 Learning to Deal With Rejection

15:50 The Romantic Ideal: Men Have Been Lied To

20:53 Society’s Definition of Love Is Toxic

23:22 Jesus: How Much Sacrifice Does Love Require?

27:59 Loving Without Expecting Anything in Return

30:23 "Love People Like Cats"

32:29 Wounded People Recreate Their Traumatic Relationships

35:05 The Crossroads: Where Decisions Really Matter

37:14 How to Avoid Being Blinded by Emotions

39:27 Stopping Negative Thought Cycles

44:23 The Core of Mental Disorders: “Self-Focused Attention”

45:34 The Surprising Power of Stepping Away From Alcohol

47:22 The Black Pill: Young Men Giving Up on Life

51:46 The Antidote to Hopelessness

53:10 Being a Young Man Is Tough

54:49 Should You “Grind Out” Your 20s?

57:11 What It Means to Be a Man in 2023

1:01:19 The Changing Definitions of Masculinity and Femininity

1:05:05 Masculinity: “To Have a Spine and to Have a Pair”

1:07:40 Covid and Conformity

1:09:56 Having a Healthy Level of Self-Doubt

1:11:21 When Should You Stand Up Against the Crowd?

1:13:54 Is “Masculinity/Femininity” a Productive Framework?

1:17:30 Why Women Are Frustrated With Modern Dating

1:20:26 “Women Are Still Waiting for the Offer”

1:22:12 Why 99% of Women Will Be Disappointed

1:26:23 Can Evolutionary Psychology Explain Dating?

1:28:15 Forming Relationships: Can Compatibility Beat Status?

1:30:24 Beauty Doesn’t Make a Happy Relationship

1:32:04 “Find Your Ugly Duckling”

1:33:26 The Dark Horse Strategy

1:35:41 Debate: Do Looks/Finances Really Matter That Much?

1:39:16 Personality Disorders = Childhood Coping Mechanisms

1:41:39 Uncovering Internal Wounds Without Becoming a Victim

1:47:33 Can You Take on Too Much Responsibility?

1:48:59 You’re Not Always the Problem

1:51:16 The Pros and Cons of Spirituality

1:54:22 The Point of Religion: “A Felt Connection With the Divine”

1:57:37 People Never Love Each Other Exactly the Same Amount

2:00:05 Check Out PsycHacks on YouTube and oriontarabanpsyd.com