How to Replace “Shoulds” With Strategies That Fit Neurotypes
YOUR Neurodiverse Relationship with Jodi Carlton, MEd
Intent Versus Impact and Cognitive Empathy
Panelists address the common barrier when intent is used to dismiss impact and emphasize teaching cognitive empathy and holding space.
Can a neurodiverse relationship thrive long-term—even when the work feels messy, nonlinear, and hard?
In Part 3, the final episode of this roundtable series, Jodi and the panel of neurodiversity experts explore the skills that make progress possible: forgiveness, repair after conflict, and practical tools that help partners bridge intent and impact. This conversation digs into what progress actually looks like (hint: it’s not linear), why discomfort is part of the process, and how couples build something that works for them—not just what’s “supposed to” work.
💬 What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
- How forgiveness can support healing without minimizing real pain
- What effective repair looks like when most problems are ongoing, not “fixed”
- Why tools and strategies matter more than “it should be natural” thinking
- How to tolerate uncertainty and stay connected through discomfort
- Key markers that show a couple is moving forward together
Whether you’re navigating a neurodiverse relationship yourself, supporting someone you love, or working with couples in this space, this conversation is packed with real insight and practical strategies you can start using right away.
👉 Missed Part 1? Watch here: https://youtu.be/rXeUypJeQX4?si=yz0jiOYVdGy007-J
👉 Missed Part 2? Watch here: https://youtu.be/rqW5GRhu5Fs
📍 Episode Timestamps:
00:00 – Season 5 Intro: Can Neurodiverse Relationships Really Work?
01:56 – Progress Looks Messy: Awareness, Micro-steps, and Tolerance
07:26 – Forgiveness, Healing, and Real Repair (Gottman Lens)
11:35 – Lived Experience + A Daily “Autism Moment” Journal Tool
18:03 – Stop “It Should Be Natural”: Tools That Fit Neurotypes
22:46 – Intent vs. Impact, Acceptance, and Calling Out Toxic Dynamics
27:20 – Forgiveness for You, Acceptance ≠ Approval, “Space Between Stories”
31:14 – Markers of Progress: Impact Over Intent, Build Your Own Tools
👋🏼 Meet the Experts:
This episode features insights from:
Laura Schreiner – Licensed counselor (IL) specializing in neurodivergent individuals & couples. https://www.laurasnc.com
Mona Kay, MSW, Ph.D. – Host of Neurodiverse Love Podcast, creator of Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards & Workbook, and organizer of the Neurodiverse Love Conference. https://www.neurodiverselove.com
Heidi Hackney – ICF-certified coach, mentor, & co-founder of Autistic Voiceover Artists (AVA), supporting autistic adults in the voiceover industry. https://thecan-docoach.com
Natalie Roberts – Award-winning neurodiverse relationship coach, co-founder of Loving Difference, and co-host of Myth Busting Neurodiverse Relationships. https://natalieroberts.com
Dr. Stephanie C. Holmes – Autism researcher, ordained minister, author of Uniquely Us, and host of Neurodiverse Christian Couples Podcast. https://www.holmesasr.com
Debbie King – Counselor specializing in neurodiverse relationships, trauma, & toxic family dynamics, offering global support via Zoom.
Robin Tate, M.A., M.S., BCC, ACC, CAS – Neurodiverse couples coach, certified autism specialist, and founder of Robin Tate LLC. https://www.robintatellc.com
Jana Smith – Resilience and nervous system coach; expert in chronic illness and Cassandra Syndrome recovery. https://www.janamsmith.com
#neurodiverserelationship #autisminmarriage #adhd #forgiveness #repairafterconflict #cognitiveempathy #communicationtools #neurodiversity
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👩💼 About Your Host: Jodi Carlton, MEd
Jodi Carlton is a neurodiverse relationship coach with over 20 years of experience as a therapist, coach, author, and educator. She’s also neurodivergent herself—diagnosed with ADHD as an adult—and brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her work. After 19 years in a marriage with an autistic partner and raising neurodivergent children, Jodi developed a deeply personal understanding of what it takes for relationships like yours to work—and the pitfalls that can derail them. She now coaches individuals, couples, and families around the world using a solution-focused approach that delivers real clarity and lasting change.
👉 Find resources, quizzes, and courses:
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