Responding to 'But What About the Men?'

Are men OK? Is there actually a “male loneliness crisis”? Is it women’s job to fix it? What role should straight women play in rescuing men from… whatever the hell is going on with them? What would it take for men to help themselves? And how on earth should a mother of boys be in this era?

Everyone has a lotttt of questions about the state of men. Meanwhile, toxic visions of masculinity abound, from the dark corners of the manosphere to the casual misogyny of the current presidential administration. In our last episode, we outlined a brand of reality-challenged warrior masculinity that is taking over the White House. But it kind of seems like everyone is trying to Make Masculinity Great Again these days.

In this episode, we turn to the state of everyday men and boys, and talk frankly about how we navigate the cultural pressure women face to save them all. We pinpoint where exactly ideas of masculinity come from and what messages young people are getting about gender today, and question whether a more “positive” vision of masculinity is even the answer. You might be surprised by some of our thoughts on this topic!

We also get real in this episode about our experiences mothering kids right now and talk about how to navigate the “boymom” mentality in parenting circles. And we unpack how and why we’ve mothered grown men to prove ourselves as women, and why we’re done with that.

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Show highlights…

0:01 Lots of questions about the state of men.

4:00 Like, we can’t even hear ourselves think over all these questions.

8:08 There are a lot of men telling men how to be men today. Like, a lot.

9:35 Tracy breaks down the manosphere.

10:46 The founding text of the men’s rights movement was written by an ex-feminist after he got divorced. Cool, cool, cool.

12:00 Men go into the woods to reconnect with their masculine selves… not going to end well?

14:40 The Joshua Tree to Joe Rogan pipeline.

17:25 JD Vance doesn’t seem to understand the difference between a boy and man, and not just because he’s covering the tracks of the young Republicans’ group chat.

18:28 What feminist researchers say about how men move ever rightward through masculinity subcultures to the deep recesses of the manosphere.

19:15 W. Kamau Bell on what Charlie Kirk’s killing tells us about the use of left vs. right designations.

21:13 Claims that men are enduring a masculinity crisis are not new and feminism has always been blamed.

21:51 And the moms, too. Everyone loves to blame the moms.

25:25 Can you guess how the guys at the Stronger Men’s Conference define masculinity? Would you be surprised if we said it includes porn addiction, racism, and comparisons between Adam & Eve + T-Pain?

29:29 It all comes back to the tech bros with masculinity issues.

32:19 We talk navigating tech with kids, including how Tracy handled her kid finding out about her AI boyfriend, and spreading the word at school.