Loosening expectations and control

Psychologist and stress expert Elissa Epel leads us in a gentle, science-backed practice to calm our nervous systems and meet uncertainty with greater ease and acceptance.

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How To Do This Practice:

1. Settle in: Find a quiet, comfortable place to sit. Close your eyes or soften your gaze, and begin breathing in through your nose with long, slow exhales through pursed lips.
2. Scan your body: Gently move your attention from the top of your head down to your toes, noticing areas of tension with a kind, curious awareness.
3. Breathe into tension: Wherever you feel tightness, breathe into that area and soften it with each exhale, allowing your nervous system to relax just a little more.
4. Notice uncertainty: Turn your attention to your thoughts and feelings. Ask yourself what feels uncertain right now, and name any emotions that arise without trying to change them.
5. Ask yourself: What is on my mind right now? Am I thinking about the past, the future, or am I right here in the present?” What do I feel most uncertain about right now? What expectations might I be holding? Am I striving to control something? What feelings do I have right now?
6. Release control: Notice where you may be holding expectations or trying to control the future, and gently practice letting go, reminding yourself that uncertainty is part of life.
7. Rest in the present: Lean back, relax your shoulders, and focus on the safety and ease of this moment, repeating a phrase like “Things are exactly as they are right now.”

Scroll down for a transcription of this episode.

Today’s Happiness Break Guide:

ELISSA EPEL, PH.D, is a Professor and Vice Chair in the Department of Psychiatry & Behavioral Sciences, at University of California, San Francisco.

Learn more about Elissa Epel here: https://www.elissaepel.com/

Related Happiness Break episodes:

Loving Kindness Meditation: https://tinyurl.com/2kr4fjz5

Embodying Resilience: https://tinyurl.com/46383mhx

A Meditation for When You Feel Uneasy: https://tinyurl.com/4utrkyh5

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Transcription: https://tinyurl.com/2x4pe95j