Why gratitude feels difficult

The benefits of gratitude aren’t exactly a secret, but many of us still think of it as some kind of fixed personality trait. Some people seem to be born grateful, while the rest of us feel like we’re the ones who automatically notice what’s wrong. It’s true that we all have different affect profiles, but gratitude works the same way happiness does. It’s a skill you can train, and it becomes more powerful the more you practice it.

In today’s episode, I’m going to walk you through my 5-step gratitude protocol. These simple practices fit naturally into my morning routine and evening protocol. As always, I share with you the research that supports each action I recommend. 

I hope that you’ll start practicing gratitude and share it with the people around you. When you cultivate this habit, it strengthens your well-being and quietly lifts the happiness of everyone in your orbit.

—

Brought to you by:

• Expedia—Bundle and save on your next trip with Expedia. https://www.expedia.com/ 

• Kit—Email marketing that automates your growth. https://kit.com/?utm_campaign=27409843-q4_comarketing_pilot&utm_source=arthur_brooks_office_hours&utm_medium=podcast&utm_term=placement_one_2025

Where to find Arthur Brooks: 

• Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://arthurbrooks.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Newsletter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://x.com/arthurbrooks⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/arthurcbrooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/ArthurBrooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGuyFRjJQFGCKzfHTBvWM6A⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• LinkedIn: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/arthur-c-brooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Email: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠officehours@arthurbrooks.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

—

Timestamps:

(00:00) Intro

(04:01) How your affect profile and negativity bias shape gratitude

(08:56) How the prefrontal cortex helps you rise above instinct

(10:32) How gratitude boosts your happiness and lifts others, too

(16:33) How gratitude strengthens relationships and protects against burnout

(20:33) What the research shows about gratitude

(29:44) The dark side of gratitude

(31:55) Gratitude Protocol, Step 1: Weekly gratitude list

(33:18) Step 2: Emails of appreciation

(34:10) Step 3: Opportunistic public action

(35:32) Step 4: Authenticity check

(35:54) Step 5: Grateful contemplation

(36:15) Q&A: Finding a better-paying job without losing happiness

(38:21) Q&A: How to find something bigger than yourself

—

Referenced:

• How to Build a Life: https://www.theatlantic.com/projects/how-build-life/

• The Happiness Files: Insights on Work and Life: https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Files-Insights-Arthur-Brooks/dp/B0F4MFQ6VN

• PANAS quiz: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/quiz/panas 

• Negativity bias, negativity dominance, and contagion:

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1207/S15327957PSPR0504_2 

• Feeling thanks and saying thanks: A randomized controlled trial examining if and how socially oriented gratitude journals work:

https://mural.maynoothuniversity.ie/id/eprint/11705/1/OConnell_Feeling.pdf

• Burnout from emotion regulation at work: The moderating role of gratitude:

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0191886919306342 

• Four Ways to Be Grateful—And Happier:

https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2023/11/thanksgiving-gratitude-thankfulness-happiness/676071/ 

• Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life (2003):

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/pdfs/GratitudePDFs/6Emmons-BlessingsBurdens.pdf 

• Gratitude and well-being: A review and theoretical integration:

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20451313/ 

• ...References continued at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/office-hours⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

—

Production and marketing by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://penname.co/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.