What Do My Parents Do Really Well and What Did They Like Not Do?

“Neuroscience research shows that the only way we can change the way we feel is by becoming aware of our inner experience and learning to befriend what is going inside ourselves.”

Welcome back to another episode of Made You Think! In this episode, we discuss The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk, and the effects that traumatic stress can have on our mind and body. 

We cover a wide range of topics including:

• Why the mind and body should not be viewed as unrelated entities
• The role of both parents in raising a well-adjusted child
• Breathwork, meditation, and starting early
• How movement and exercise can rewire your brain
• The rise of therapy and importance of social support

And much more. Please enjoy, and make sure to follow Nat, Neil, and Adil on Twitter and share your thoughts on the episode.

Links from the Episode:

Mentioned in the Show:

• Agamemnon (1:11)
• Shiva (27:55)
• 40th Day after death (28:09)
• Bonobos (43:30)
• EMDR (1:00:14)
• Wim Hof Breathing (1:03:08)

Books Mentioned

• The Body Keeps the Score
• Merchants of Doubt (3:09) (Nat's Book Notes) (Book Episode)
• Gödel, Escher, Bach (6:17) (Nat's Book Notes) (Book Episode)
• Burn Rate (43:22)
• Breath (1:01:58) (Nat's Book Notes)
• Deep (1:02:07)
• The Art of War (1:08:32)

People Mentioned

• Andy Dunn (43:20)
• Eric Jorgensen (54:23) (Book Episode)
• James Nestor (1:02:01)

Show Topics:

(0:00) The Body Keeps The Score seeks to change the discourse around trauma and its symptoms, and it pokes some holes in the way that people have historically thought about mental health.

(3:28) The way we think about our bodily health was traditionally very individualistic, when in reality, it’s very complex. The brain and body connection: They’re not two totally different things, rather they’re deeply connected. 

(8:09) In addition to the mental and emotional affects of anxiety, there are physical effects too: stomach aches, shortness of breath, muscle tension, and more. We also talk about the importance of gut health.

(12:10) Fermentation of beer and sourdough, and the differences when it's fermented commercially vs. at-home.

(17:07) A lot of what we consume may have been fermented at least partially in the past, but that's not the case with most foods anymore. Our bodies have evolved to it, and it likely has an impact on our gut health.

(19:58) PTSD with veterans and why they could be in one world mentally but another world physically. 

(25:49) Handling difficult experiences with social support vs. isolation. If you grew up without a positive parental figure, you may try to find that support somewhere else, even if that support is negative such as joining a gang.

(27:11) The rise of therapy. Traditionally, people would use their social or religious communities as the support to confide in and get them through difficult times. Today, there's more individualized support from someone that you previously did not know.

(31:30) You don’t process trauma the same way you process language, so talking about these traumatic events can become difficult. There’s a difference between going to therapy and actually doing the work at therapy.

(36:00) The book highlights many stories of people where events experienced early on in life are still unresolved for many years into their adulthood. It can take decades to identify where some of our behaviors and thoughts stem from. 

(39:54) Imprinting your child. Not everyone is aware of bad habits they show in their parenting style that came from their own parents. It's all about reflecting on how you want to do things differently than your parents as a parent yourself.

(45:49) The author argues that it’s hard to have an emotionally well adjusted child without both a male and female role model that embodies some of the stereotypical traits for the child.

(56:13) Movement and exercise can rewire your brain and change how you feel about something. It also takes us back to the mind-body connection where you're more likely to feel emotionally better if you physically feel well, too.

(58:32) Nat and Neil share their advice on reading the book and how the stories within the book can be helpful, but at the same time, difficult to read.

(1:01:51) The benefits of breathwork and meditation, and how you can teach those skills very early on in life.

(1:07:59) That wraps up this episode! Join us next time as we cover The Art of War by Sun Tzu.

If you enjoyed this episode, let us know by leaving a review on iTunes and tell a friend. As always, let us know if you have any book recommendations! You can say hi to us on Twitter @TheRealNeilS, @adilmajid, @nateliason and share your thoughts on this episode.

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Thanks for listening. See you next time!