You can't ever make up for what's happened in the past. And it's hard to admit that, like, you got screwed,. and that that maybe you blame yourself for it. But i don't think you can do it with someone i don't know if you can tolerate showing the ugliest and worst parts of yourself to another human being. The hardest part about that, cause i just did it just a tiny bit, is like them accepting you for being all that loathing that you feel towards yourself. Uncovering it is the first hardest thing; then you don't mind. You've got an easy out.