082: Regulating emotions: What, When, & How
Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive
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Introduction
This chapter explores the significance of positive and negative behavior in parenting, emphasizing the need to minimize negative behaviors and provide positive reinforcement. It also introduces the podcast 'Your Parenting Mojo' and delves into the topic of emotion regulation, highlighting the impact of discounting children's feelings and the importance of understanding emotions.
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Transcript
Transcript
Episode notes
We’ve already covered emotion regulation a few times on the show: there were these older short episodes on Three Reasons Not to Say “You’re OK!” and Modeling Emotion Regulation, as well as the more recent one on Dr. Stuart Shanker’s book Self-Reg.
But I realized I’d never done the episode that should underlie all of these, which discusses what actually is emotion regulation and when (for crying out loud!) our children will be able to do it. So we cover that in this episode, as well as some resources to help you support your child in developing this capability, the most important of which is Dr. John Gottman’s book Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child [affiliate link].
Download your free workbook!
If you’re in the thick of struggles with emotion regulation right now and you find yourself punishing or thinking about punishing your child for behavior that’s driving you crazy, you should definitely download the How to Stop Punishing Your Child (And What to Do Instead) workbook that gives you strategies to help both of you cope better with stressful situations.
Taming Your Triggers
If you need help with your own big feelings about your child’s behavior, register for the Taming Your Triggers waitlist. We’ll help you to:- Understand the real causes of your triggered feelings, and begin to heal the hurts that cause them
- Use new tools like the ones Katie describes to find ways to meet both her and her children’s needs
- Effectively repair with your children on the fewer instances when you are still triggered
Join the waitlist and we'll let you know when doors reopen. Click the banner to learn more!
References
Blankson, A.N., O’Brien, M., Leerkes, E.M., Marcovitch, S., Calkins, S.D., & Weaver, J.M. (2013). Developmental dynamics of emotion and cognition processes in preschoolers. Child Development 84(1), 346-360.
Campos, J.J., Kermoian, R., & Zumbahlen, M.R. (1992). Socioemotional transformations in the family system following infant crawling onset. New Directions for Child Development 55.
Cuevas, K., Deater-Deckard, K., Kim-Spoon, J., Watson, A.J., Morasch, K.C., & Bell, M.A. (2014). What’s Mom got to do with it? Contributions of maternal executive function and caregiving to the development of executive function across early childhood. Developmental Science 17(2), 224-238.
Deater-Deckard, K., Wang, Z., Chen, N., Bell, M.A. (2012). Maternal executive function, harsh parenting, and child conduct problems. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry 53(10), 1084-1091.
Fagot, B.I., Hagan, R., Leinbach, M.D., & Kronsberg, S. (1985). Differential reactions to assertive and communicative acts of toddler boys and girls. Child Development 56(6), 1499-1505.
Fox, N.A., & Calkins, S.D. (2003). The development of self-control of emotion: Intrinsic and extrinsic influences. Motivation and Emotion 27, 7-26. Differential reactions to assertive and communicative acts of toddler boys and girls. Child Development 56(6), 1499-1505.
Gottman, J., & Declaire, J. (1997). Raising an emotionally intelligent child: The heart of parenting. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster.
Graziano, P.A., Reavis, R.D., Keane, S.P., & Calkins, S.F. (2007). The role of emotion regulation and children’s early academic success. Journal of School Psychology 45(1), 3-19.
Hendry, A., Jones, E.J.H., & Charman, T. (2016). Executive function in the first three years of life: Precursors, predictors and patterns. Developmental Review 42, 1-33.
Kennedy, D.E., & Kramer L (2008). Improving emotion regulation and sibling relationship quality: The More Fun With Sisters and Brothers program. Family Relations 57, 567-578.
Mence, M., Hawes, D.J., Wedgwood, L., Morgan, S., Barnett, B., Kohlhoff, J., & Hunt, C. (2014). Emotional flooding and hostile discipline in the families of toddlers with disruptive behavior problems. Journal of Family Psychology 28(1), 12-21.
Perry, N.B., Calkins, S.D., Nelson, J.A., Leerkes, E.M., & Marcovitch, S. (2012). Mothers’ responses to children’s negative emotions and child emotion regulation: The moderating role of vagal suppression. Developmental Psychobiology 54, 503-513.
Rutherford, H.J.V., Wallace, N.S., Laurent, H.K., & Mayes, L.C. (2015). Emotion regulation in parenthood. Developmental Review 36, 1-14.
Siegel, D.J., & Bryson, T.P. (2018). The yes brain: How to cultivate courage, curiosity, and resilience in your child. New York, NY: Bantam.
Smith, C.L., Calkins, S.D., Keane, S.P., Anastopoulos, A.D., & Shelton, T.L. (2004). Predicting stability and change in toddler behavior problems: Contributions of maternal behavior and child gender. Developmental Psychology 40, 29-42.
Sroufe, A.L. (1997). Emotion development: The organization of emotional life in the early years. Cambridge, U.K.: Cambridge University Press.
Sulik, M.J., Blair, C., Mills-Koonce, R., Berry, D., & Greenberg, M. (2015). Early parenting and the development of externalizing behavior problems: Longitudinal mediation through children’s executive function. Child Development 86(5), 1588-1603.
Thompson, R.A., Lewis, M.D., & Calkins, S.D. (2008). Reassessing emotion regulation. Child Development Perspectives 2(3), 124-131.
Volling, B.L. (2001). Early attachment relationships as predictors of preschool children’s emotion regulation with a distressed sibling. Early Education and Development 12(2), 185-207.
Volling, B.L. (2002). Emotion regulation in context: The jealousy complex between young siblings and its relations with child and family characteristics. Child Development 73(2), 581-600.
Campos, J.J., Kermoian, R., & Zumbahlen, M.R. (1992). Socioemotional transformations in the family system following infant crawling onset. New Directions for Child Development 55.
Cuevas, K., Deater-Deckard, K., Kim-Spoon, J., Watson, A.J., Morasch, K.C., & Bell, M.A. (2014). What’s Mom got to do with it? Contributions of maternal executive function and caregiving to the development of executive function across early childhood. Developmental Science 17(2), 224-238.
Deater-Deckard, K., Wang, Z., Chen, N., Bell, M.A. (2012). Maternal executive function, harsh parenting, and child conduct problems. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry 53(10), 1084-1091.
Fagot, B.I., Hagan, R., Leinbach, M.D., & Kronsberg, S. (1985). Differential reactions to assertive and communicative acts of toddler boys and girls. Child Development 56(6), 1499-1505.
Fox, N.A., & Calkins, S.D. (2003). The development of self-control of emotion: Intrinsic and extrinsic influences. Motivation and Emotion 27, 7-26. Differential reactions to assertive and communicative acts of toddler boys and girls. Child Development 56(6), 1499-1505.
Gottman, J., & Declaire, J. (1997). Raising an emotionally intelligent child: The heart of parenting. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster.
Graziano, P.A., Reavis, R.D., Keane, S.P., & Calkins, S.F. (2007). The role of emotion regulation and children’s early academic success. Journal of School Psychology 45(1), 3-19.
Hendry, A., Jones, E.J.H., & Charman, T. (2016). Executive function in the first three years of life: Precursors, predictors and patterns. Developmental Review 42, 1-33.
Kennedy, D.E., & Kramer L (2008). Improving emotion regulation and sibling relationship quality: The More Fun With Sisters and Brothers program. Family Relations 57, 567-578.
Mence, M., Hawes, D.J., Wedgwood, L., Morgan, S., Barnett, B., Kohlhoff, J., & Hunt, C. (2014). Emotional flooding and hostile discipline in the families of toddlers with disruptive behavior problems. Journal of Family Psychology 28(1), 12-21.
Perry, N.B., Calkins, S.D., Nelson, J.A., Leerkes, E.M., & Marcovitch, S. (2012). Mothers’ responses to children’s negative emotions and child emotion regulation: The moderating role of vagal suppression. Developmental Psychobiology 54, 503-513.
Rutherford, H.J.V., Wallace, N.S., Laurent, H.K., & Mayes, L.C. (2015). Emotion regulation in parenthood. Developmental Review 36, 1-14.
Siegel, D.J., & Bryson, T.P. (2018). The yes brain: How to cultivate courage, curiosity, and resilience in your child. New York, NY: Bantam.
Smith, C.L., Calkins, S.D., Keane, S.P., Anastopoulos, A.D., & Shelton, T.L. (2004). Predicting stability and change in toddler behavior problems: Contributions of maternal behavior and child gender. Developmental Psychology 40, 29-42.
Sroufe, A.L. (1997). Emotion development: The organization of emotional life in the early years. Cambridge, U.K.: Cambridge University Press.
Sulik, M.J., Blair, C., Mills-Koonce, R., Berry, D., & Greenberg, M. (2015). Early parenting and the development of externalizing behavior problems: Longitudinal mediation through children’s executive function. Child Development 86(5), 1588-1603.
Thompson, R.A., Lewis, M.D., & Calkins, S.D. (2008). Reassessing emotion regulation. Child Development Perspectives 2(3), 124-131.
Volling, B.L. (2001). Early attachment relationships as predictors of preschool children’s emotion regulation with a distressed sibling. Early Education and Development 12(2), 185-207.
Volling, B.L. (2002). Emotion regulation in context: The jealousy complex between young siblings and its relations with child and family characteristics. Child Development 73(2), 581-600.
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