Some people and I think you might maybe have spent some time in these waters are very good at seeing exactly their own reactions and their own truths but they don't greet it with compassion so then it becomes self-judgment. Father Greg Boyle he says um if you despise your own brokenness you'll despise the broken. The thing that I that really challenges me is when we talk on this podcast we're usually getting some refined thoughts that have yeah been smoothed over  and I can sound compassionate to myself but in the rawest place there's often like deep down I go like I'm a freak.