Navigating Passive-Aggression and the Impact of Tone

Ever tried giving someone feedback about their tone…without sounding like the tone police? This episode was sparked by a listener wrestling with just that—and let’s be real, it’s something we’ve all tripped over. Join Kim and Jason as they dive into the messy, nuanced world of tone: why it matters, how to talk about it without getting judgmental, and what to do when someone’s words are technically fine but their delivery leaves the room on edge. Using the CORE framework—Context, Observation, Result, and Expected next steps—they break down how to be specific about what happened, how it landed, and how to move forward without sounding accusatory or vague. Tune in to hear Kim and Jason unpack real-life examples, share the coaching that worked (and what didn’t), and explore how bias, culture, and identity play into how tone is received. Bonus: Kim gets personal about a recent experience that reminded her why kindness and courage matter—on and off the mic.

Get all of the show notes at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠RadicalCandor.com/podcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Episode Links

• Transcript

• The Evil Translator & The Fundamental Attribution Error | Radical Candor Podcast 7 | 21

• How To Measure Feedback | Radical Candor Podcast 6 | 41

• The Word Police | Radical Candor Podcast 6 | 25

• The Importance Of Communication In The Workplace | Radical Candor

• 8 Ways To Fix Communication Issues In The Workplace | Radical Candor

• Are You Giving Biased Feedback? 5 Ways To Overcome Protective Hesitation | Radical Candor

• How To Give Candid Feedback With the Radical Candor CORE Method

• Radical Candor Community: CORE Course

• Radical Respect Newsletter

• Textio

Connect:

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• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠YouTube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Bluesky⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Chapters:

(00:00:00) Introduction

Kim and Jason introduce a listener’s question about addressing tone with CORE.

(00:02:51) When “Technically Fine” Still Feels Off

How misinterpretations and sensitivities around tone impact teams.

(00:03:54) Observing vs. Interpreting Tone

Avoiding misattributions by observing, not just interpreting.

(00:06:39) Shifting from “You Statements” to “I Statements”

Using reactions to provide grounded, less judgmental feedback.

(00:07:30) Using Impact to Shift Perspective

How describing the impact of tone keeps the conversation constructive.

(00:08:51) Coaching Through Goals, Not Emotions

A story about using feedback to overcome sounding arrogant.

(00:11:42) Reframing CORE to Match Your Audience

Using CORE to focus on tangible outcomes, not just feelings.

(00:13:57) What Not to Do: Avoiding Coded Language

The biased undertones certain words like "shrill" or "aggressive" carry.

(00:16:22) Be Specific: Volume, Pace, Tension

Being specific when giving feedback about tone delivery.

(00:18:00) Extending Grace

Giving the benefit of the doubt when something lands poorly.

(00:20:10) Praise When They Get It Right

The positive impact of giving feedback when tone lands well.

(00:22:03) Handling Tone in Public Meetings

When to react in real time and when it’s better to follow up privately.

(00:24:16) Breaking the False Harmony in the Room

A story about addressing passive-aggressive tension in a meeting.

(00:27:43) Private Inquiry or Public Repair

A story about how Google’s CEO gracefully handled a tone misstep.

(00:29:41) Radical Candor Tips

Practical tips on how to give feedback on tone.

(00:31:27) ICE Deportation & Bearing Witness

A story about a beloved community member deported by ICE. 

(00:34:25) The Danger of Secret Cruelty

The dehumanization of silent suffering and concealed harm.

(00:37:05) This Isn’t a One-Off: It’s Systemic

Broader systemic issues and how routine cruelty has become normalized.

(00:39:49) There’s Still Hope: Do the Right Thing

The Radical Candor mission to care personally and challenge directly.

(00:41:16) Conclusion

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