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In this Sex with Emily episode, Dr. Jennifer Freed reveals why true sexiness comes from daring to be authentically yourself—not trying to imitate anyone else—and how confidence means being good with yourself without waiting for approval. Then sex educator Shani Hart shares her game-changing tip for staying aroused during oral sex (hint: it involves a Magic Wand), her mission to bring quality pleasure products to underserved communities, and why she tells customers that if their partner controls their toy purchases, it's a major red flag.
Dr. Freed and Emily explore the difference between sexiness and preferences, discussing how we can find attraction beyond our usual type when we recognize someone's soul.
Through Shani's journey from pop-up girlfriend to certified sex educator, Emily and Shani tackle the lack of diversity in the sex toy industry and why quality pleasure products should be accessible to all communities. Shani breaks down her four essential blowjob tips—enthusiasm, wetness, communication, and technique—explaining why "it's called a job for a reason" and sharing her favorite products for enhancing pleasure.
They also dive into CBD's benefits for sexual wellness, from reducing anxiety and increasing blood flow to helping rewire the brain's association between sex and pain for people with conditions like endometriosis. Shani discusses her favorite current toy (the Womanizer Duo with smart silent technology) and why she believes your own pleasure should be a priority.
Timestamps:
0:28 - Intro
1:48 - Authenticity vs Performance in Relationships
3:26 - Overcoming Impostor Syndrome in Dating
5:41 - Why Hiding Your True Self Kills Intimacy
10:26 - Sexual Preferences vs What Makes Someone Sexy
13:42 - Being Present During Sex Creates New Experiences
17:22 - From Sex Shop Employee to Certified Sex Educator
20:26 - Creating Quality Sex Education in Underserved Communities
24:43 - When Partners Control Your Pleasure (Red Flags)
27:48 - Magic Wand Multi-Use Tips for Solo and Partner Play
29:33 - Four Essential Oral Sex Techniques That Actually Work
31:45 - Racism and Exclusion in the Sex Toy Industry
36:02 - CBD for Better Sex: Anxiety, Pain Relief, and Enhanced Pleasure
38:48 - Quick Fire Questions: Biggest Turn-Ons and Turnoffs
