When you're stuck, ask yourself what else is possible than the things that we've been considering. The voice of possibility works by really stepping into the anxiety and ambiguity of the conversation. At first, it feels like an admission of nihilism or just defeat because you're saying, I don't know how the answer. But at the same time, it can bring this sort of calming effect when you can say, OK, well, we don't have the answer here.
Have you ever had one of those arguments — whether with a friend or a colleague, a loved one or a perfect stranger — that you both vehemently disagree, and it boils your blood? Too often these days, arguments with people we disagree with feel impossible. We never solve anything but seem to succeed in hurting someone’s feelings. But what if it didn’t have to be that way? In his forthcoming book, “Why Are We Yelling?: The Art of Productive Disagreement” (Nov. 19), Buster Benson, who has worked for some of the world’s most successful companies, to help you have hard conversations in your relationships, engage people with different political viewpoints, and disagree with dignity.