And that story that i'm telling myself may not be rooted in any truth, but i just don't know until i've been able to connect with the kid and be able to talk. So in the absence of information, don't make up information, until we know exactly what's going on. What

comes back to our good friend, thepod cast head lasso, you know, be curious and bot judgment. All right. I wit so often we come in with judgment, and we have that story instead of a curiosity. And i think so often that's what empathy is, it's coming with curiosity to really understand what's going on, and being open to the fact that we don't really know what's going on, andand getting rid of those assumptions that we're so quick to make. And i think that kind of leas is an other one that i know that i see coaches struggle with. And oftentimes when i'm having a one, a long call with the coach and were reflecting on a conversation they might have had with the playerha, maybe we would have talked about and oftentimes that conversation might have been related to, you know, some behaviora type issue, some drop in standards ind their behavior performance. Ah, and one of the first things that i always ask coaches, in reflection on that conversation with the player is, what percentage of the time were you talking? Youkno. And is so quick comes to me like tat. Well, i thougt it was a pretty good conversation, but now that you asked that, i was pretty much talking pretty much 80, teen hundred, 90 % of the time. You know, they asked one question, you know, hey, what's going on? The player said, well, this is going on at home, and i've just been kind of burnt an burnt out. And the coach falls up with this long lecture about how well, you need to get better sleep, and y unow, this is life, and yus going to put, you know, it's gon you got to lean to push through this. And we just give this big inspirational speech. But we never really took time to listen and ask more questions to really understand their struggle, right? There might have been one question they responsive, but we just jump in without lecture. And i just think of thend of the day, if we want to be good at empathy, we have to shut up and listen. Why

thent, j peter, the research would back this idea that there are times where players just need to be heard. And the and as coaches, we just draw the assumption that you're coming to me in san coach, i'm not feeling greay to day. Amd kind of tired. I had to stay up till four in the morning to study for this test. And we just assume that they're trying to give me excuses to get out of something, when the reality is they just need to be seen, like they just need somebody to hear. This is kind of hard for me to day to know that i'm on your side, you know. I'm glad you're here, and, you know, and they're there to do what you ask them to do, they just, they just need to be seen, and they just need to be heard. And so rather than just need jerk reaction to te trying to get out of running to day, they do this every week, you know, telling yourself, all right, you're going through something challenging here the last 24 hours. And i just appreciate you even more, one for having the courage to share that with me, and two, that you're here to give your team mates whatever you've got. That kind of a message is going to go farther than, you know, the stern approach of old j p of, well life's not easy either, kid, you know. So you' better figure it out and bring your best. And that's what youae your team mates. You no give them that lecture, just let them be heard, and then challenge them again to give what they can give to the team.

The last thing i would mention here on ympathy, and i think this is the hardest one. Don't have all the answers, but, you know, i look at the work of doctor bruce perry and doctor dan segel, who wrote the whole braine child and therre thei research around the brain, and there's something they always can communicate, is that sometimes when people behave a certain way, it's or they're not behaving the way that we want them to. It's not that they won't, it's that they can't.