From a very young age, i was being taken to church on sundays and going to c c d. And i felt very uncomfortable, and i wasn't getting question you no questions answered that i was asking. Where i ultimately landed was with a buddhism. I do all this on my own through books and seated meditation. It's something that's important to me, this sort of spiritual exploration,. But it's something that i have to do on terms that work for me. i can't fake and i can't do it to indulge somebody else's preferences.