Optimization Culture Makes Dating Calculated

This episode is the result of years of listener requests: how did dating get SO bad, and how can we possibly make it better? Melody and I have been out of the dating game for a hot minute, but we knew that the combination of your excellent questions + an excellent co-host [Jonquilyn Hill, host of Vox's Explain It All who is, importantly, currently dating] + sociological discussion of how dating has historically functioned (and why it no longer functions that way) could lead us to something that manages to be at once cathartic and hopeful (and educational for anyone who hasn't tried to date in the last decade).

We answer your questions on "informational intimacy," how long is too long to chat (before setting an actual date), optimization culture, and whether or not it's weird for someone to run your Hinge account (I LOVE THIS QUESTION).....plus bonus content on how to actually meet people off the apps. You don't have to be dating to love this episode, but if you are — let's go after it in the comments.

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Show Notes:

• Follow Jonquilyn on Instagram here

• You can find all episodes of Explain It To Me here

• Listen to Jonquilyn's episode of Explain It To Me on Cuffing Season

• Melody found this super-interesting article: Men Are Just As Picky As Women About Who They’d Date—If They’re the Ones Being Pursued

• Jonquilyn mentions the Netflix show THE LATER DATERS

• I mention my interview with sociologist Corinne Low re: figuring out what you actually want in terms of a future life (before finding a partner)

We're currently looking for your questions for future episodes about:

• New trends you've noticed in the world of MOMFLUENCERS

• How we think about the morality of money and taxes — who should pay taxes, who shouldn't, who "deserves" money, who doesn't, how we came to decide that religious organizations shouldn't pay taxes (and how that belief is changing), SO MUCH

• How to process all the STUFF accumulated from relatives (we have a really helpful organizer with a bunch of mental health training for this one!)

• The State of The CHAIN RESTAURANT — and chain restaurant supply chain!!! (I'm so excited for this one)

• Wedding culture!!

• For our next Culture Of Place: Puerto Rico!

• Anything you need advice or want musings on for the AAA segment. You can ask about anything, it’s literally the name of the segment

• As always, you can submit your questions (and ideas for future eps) here

  For this week’s discussion: Tell us your dating frustrations! What's changed, what annoys you, what strategies have worked?