The Fucking Elf on the Shelf

"I never liked the elf on the shelf. They always look like they're hiding a boner," he says. "They don't make eye contact, they're always looking off to the left." The whole point is you buy this little elf strategically plays it around your children up high on a shelf and then the elf watches him 24-7. But what the child is really doing is projecting their own feelings of trying to be crafty onto the elf which is then reflected back at them by how sneaky the elf is.