recognizing that the other person is a kind of developmentally unfolding, moving target, as it were, and being a little humble about that and open is a good thing. I think another aspect as well, regarding whether the other person has a growth curve in that, are they interested in learning in this life? Are they alive in their engagement with life? That doesn't mean that they have to be a big time intellectual. Maybe they're just really alive in theirengagement with gardening. And for them, there's this ongoing unfolding. There's something new in a long term relation, particularly now that we're not all dead by the time we're forty,. like back in the stone age

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