You Know, I'm Always Going to Be an Outsider, Right?

Last week, you heard the first part of the session with Sara, a woman haunted by feelings of anxiety and inferiority from the time she grew up in a village in Mexico. Because she received a great deal of mean-spirited put-downs, she same to see herself as an "outsider" who wasn't good enough. She has finally decided to challenge this crippling and disturbing mind-set, and in today's podcast you will witness her metamorphosis. She will also join us for the fascinating follow-up to her amazing treatment session.

If you click here, you can see Sara’s Brief Mood Survey at the end of the session, along with her Evaluation of Therapy Session. As you can see, the changes in her mood scores were profound, and her ratings of Jill and David on “Empathy” and “Helpfulness” were excellent.

If you click here, you can see Sara’s Daily Mood Log at the end of the session.

By the end of the session, all of Sara’s negative emotions had gone down dramatically, to zero or near zero levels. However, one negative feeling, jealousy, only went down to 30%, and this feeling was still nagging at her. She said she still felt inadequate and jealous of people who had accomplished more, since she’d been procrastinating for years at promoting and developing her private practice.

I don’t like to leave people with loose ends, if at all possible, and Sara clearly wanted to zap the feelings of jealousy if we could, since we hadn’t focused on this emotion at all during the session.

You may be fascinated by the surprise ending to the session, and the method that allowed Sara not only to blow away her feelings of jealousy, but a discovery of how she could use those feelings to connect more deeply with her childhood friends, including those who had accomplished a lot!

There were quite a few teaching points, including but not limited to these:

1. Rapid, profound, and lasting change is possible, even when people have been struggling for years or decades, or even since childhood, with feelings of depression and inadequacy.
2. The goal of therapy is not just a reduction in depression, but a total elimination of depression along with being catapulted into a state of enlightenment, joy or even ecstasy.
3. Sometimes Positive Reframing can blow away a negative thought, as you'll discover in the surprise ending to her session.
4. Sara totally threw herself, body, heart and mind into this work. That commitment is a vital ingredient of success.

Several days after the session, Sara sent this beautiful note to the Tuesday group.

Hello, Tuesday Group!

I apologize for just now sending this email. I had told David I would email the group this past weekend with an update, but I have been TOO busy dancing away (more about this in a second). 😝

Anyway, I will try to make this email short because I tend to go overboard and write too much, and I know everyone is busy. I will just share a few things that have happened since my personal work two weeks ago. I am also forwarding the email I sent David and Jill Tuesday evening after the magical evening.

First of all, THANK YOU all for your awesome support and empathy during that beautiful evening. At that time, I did not realize how much this is the story of many of us in the group (the learning disability and being bullied, humiliated and teased because of it.) I felt very connected to you and felt your love and deep compassion and understanding. Thank you!

So, I was not kidding when I wrote that I am dancing away. You see, during the last two weeks when I have been at a grocery or department store, I have been dancing away to the music playing in the store. For some reason my body just gets moving and doesn’t want to stop no matter what song is playing.

As you can imaging, this is not typical of me. As a matter of fact, I am not a music person let alone a dancer. I prefer to listen to NPR or a Feeling Good podcast when I’m in the car and don’t play any music at home.

Anyway, when I have been at a store these last few days, I have let loose. It was really funny when a lady at the end of the aisle noticed me dancing, and said to me, ‘You go girl!” We both giggled and I kept dancing even after the song was over.

I am NO longer inhibited and have allowed my body to do what it needs to do, and I really don’t care what anyone thinks or says. What a liberating feeling this is!

My husband also thought it was funny that I have made silly sounds, especially during meals, and we would just burst into laughter.

Needless to say, a lot has gone on since my personal work. I am definitely more relaxed, and therefore, less serious and more playful. Enjoying life!!!

The main shift has been my thought that has been ingrained in me my whole life: “Que van a pensar?” which translates to "What are they going to think?” I used to care and believe this !00% but now I don’t believe it (0%) and it does not matter to me what people think.

My new thought now is more powerful and I believe it 100%: "I don’t care what she (they) think. What matters is what I am telling myself!”

I have noticed myself shifting to this new thought quite a bit and it has been so liberating and empowering. I cannot express enough how freeing this feels.

In case you are wondering, the plans for the trip to Mexico will include a visit to my birthplace and gatherings with extended family members and high school classmates as well as some site seeing.

Oh, my goodness, I said, I would make this short, and here again, I went overboard. Sorry!

Once again, thank you for all the love and support!!!

With immense gratitude,

Sara Shane

I want to thank my brilliant and beloved colleague, Dr. Jill Levitt, for her brilliant work in Sara’s treatment, and I want to thank Sara for this fabulous gift she has given all of us!

When you actually SEE the magic happening, it makes all the difference in the world. And when you see the actual techniques that Jill and I were using, you will hopefully realize that you, too, can learn to use TEAM-CBT in your clinical work if you are therapist, or in your personal life if you are struggling with feelings of depression, insecurity, anxiety or low self-self-esteem.

Remember, too, that we still offer unlimited free TEAM-CBT training for California mental health professionals in our Tuesday group and for therapists from around the world in Rhonda's Wednesday group.

If you’re interested in the Tuesday group, contact Ed Walton edwalton100@gmail.com. If you’re interested in the Wednesday group, contact Dr. Rhonda Barovsky rhonda@feelinggreattherapycenter.com.

Thanks for listening!

Rhonda, Jill, Sara and David