disagreement and direct argumentation isn't who you are, it's what you believe about one or a set of ideas. No debate will ever be successful if we don't separate idea and identity. To feel comfortable debating and disagreeing with others, you need to feel the safety to do so from your boss,. Your co workers, your family, et cetera. Without a shared north star, you will never be able to have a mutual respect for each other's opinions. Second, only attack ideas, not people. The second that you attack more than just an idea, that's when a debate turns into personal attacks.